4th February 2025

Finding your WHY?

16th August 2017 and early September 2021 are two dates which will be forever embedded on my mind. It’s not the birth of my children or any momentous achievement in my somewhat pretty average life. Unfortunately the first date is when I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastatic Melanoma for the first time. The second (albeit not a specific date due to a number of reasons leading up to diagnosis) was the second time I was told that my Melanoma had returned in the form of Brain Tumours.

Now I don’t know if you the stages of cancer but on a scale of 1-4, 4 is pretty bad. In fact the only stage 5 cancer is Wilms tumours which I think is very rare. On both occasions I have never had to have chemotherapy which is often the first thing that people associate with cancer. After a biopsy operation determined I had cancer and scans revealed it had also metastasized to various other areas of my body. I was fortunate enough to receive combination Immunotherapy treatment literally weeks later. This unfortunately had to be stopped after just two doses due to severe side effects. However, the treatment continued to work it’s magic months later. Second time round in 2021 with my brain tumour diagnosis it involved a craniotomy and then SRS targeted radiotherapy. Neither involved the usual scripted hair loss. That came months later when my body had gone into shock from all the trauma a bit like when you are stressed this can also happen.

Somehow remarkably seven years later I’m still here living a pretty good quality of life. I like to think it’s down to sheer resilience and determination but I think those that know be best would probably say it’s because of sheer stubbornness to prove a point! Has it all been a bed of roses? Have I been a model patient through all of this. Certainly not. But I’m doing the best I can and the choices I’ve made I do it with conviction.

I can honestly say that since 16th August 2017 not a day goes by the the C word hasn’t popped up either in my mind or in a conversation (not the dirty one if that’s what you were thinking). But I don’t like to refer to it as the ‘BIG C’ to me it gives cancer the gravitas that I don’t think it deserves. It makes it sound like something we cannot control and should be feared. When reality like the ‘cock of the school’ it’s something that has been given a reputation that is so misunderstood in some instances. That if we actually tried to find out more about it, the causes, symptoms and the different types then we have a better chance of understanding and predicting it’s unpredictability.

If you are reading this you are probably one of the 1 in 2 that are now affected by cancer. If not it is highly likely that you know a friend or a family member that have had or are living with cancer. If so I send my sincerest thoughts to you and please find comfort in the fact that you are not alone. I too have lost family members and friends to cancer whom had been robbed of their youth. And having been on both sides of the coin I can honestly say in someway it’s harder watching the people you love suffer than yourself actually suffering. When it’s yourself even if the prognosis is poor. You have some control. Some control in your treatment options and control of how you chose your emotions. You can either be angry about the situation and let it take control of you or spend your time surrounded with the people you love that are there by your side. Making happy memories and leaving your legacy with them.

Even if unlike myself you have chosen not to be open about you or your partners illness there is confidential support out there. Sadly it took me to the second diagnosis to realise all the support and services out there. Had I know back in 2017 what I know now I might have done things slightly different and probably got financial and emotional support in the process, but it wouldn’t be life if we didn’t learn from our mistakes! That’s why I like to tell people in the hope it will help them make their own informed choices.

I can’t say if you are starting your ‘cancer journey’ that it will be easy. I certainly do not shit unicorns and rainbows on a daily basis. However, even at Stage 4 with hidden scars and disabilities you can live a pretty good life. Nope I mean an amazing life. No one has the magic cure for cancer like no one has the key to immortality unfortunately. It’s only by being open and honest about symptoms that we can help towards cures maybe not in our lifetimes but for future generations.

I am a big believer that health and wellbeing also play a massive part in sometimes defying the odds. Health is certainly wealth and if you are lucky enough to be of general good health then please embrace it. It’s ironic that we spend most of our time trying to be successful and making money. Then when your faced with illness you would immediately sacrifice all of that just to be healthy. Trust me I have experienced that first hand.

Reducing stress is definitely a key to that. I exercise as much as I can and I generally eat healthy. Sometimes I push myself too much and I pay the consequences for it days later. I’m still working on that balance however over the past couple of years I’ve achieved things which were totally not on the horizon, which had I not put myself out of my comfort zone I don’t think I would have achieved. I’ve gone from being bed bound for hours a day, to exercising most days doing the things I love walking, lifting weights going to classes. I could not have done this without the support of my family, my children and my close friends. It’s when your in your darkest moments that life seems bleak your true support circle shine the brightest. I certainly would not be here if it was not for all the wonderful treatment our NHS has provided. Just yesterday I had an MRI scan. I can honestly say on 99% of occasions I have been treated with care and compassion from the wonderful team of people, doctors, nurses, oncologists, surgeons, radiologists, health care professionals (the list goes on) that have helped keep me alive.

I think one of the key factors in me surviving this disease is that my WHY was always greater than any pain or trauma I was suffering. My WHY is to be around for my children as long as I possibly can to show them what you can achieve if you set your mind to it. My WHY is to live a happy and fulfilling fun life with my husband and friends and family I love. My WHY is to inspire others and to give them HOPE. Even through my years of journaling HOPE was and is always a key affirmation for me and writing down that I am cancer free 100’s of times over. If you can’t dream it then how can it come true. If we have HOPE then we have something worth holding on to.

Sending love and HOPE to you all on World Cancer Day x

If anyone would like information about any services or support please message me and I will provide as much information as I can. I’m certainly no expert but I’ve been round the block a couple of times!