‘We are forever even if I’m not here,’ said the horse
Charlie Mackesy
The 1st Miss is the Deepest
It’s not long before Christmas now. It’s that time of year when we’re all busy getting everything organised to spend time with family and loved ones. However, to some this can be an extremely difficult time. It can be a time spent being ill for some which can heighten the feelings of loneliness and missing out on celebrations with friends and family. Hopefully if this is you, better times will come, however try not to make expectations for yourself just enjoy being present in the moment with those you love. Christmas doesn’t have to be grand or spectacular it can be what you make it. It can be a cold turkey sandwich, a packet of twiglets while watching Home Alone if that’s what you like. It’s who you are with that matters most.
For some it can be a lonely time and filled with grief of loved ones no longer here. There are a few things in life that I personally don’t think they’ve invented a ‘Haynes’ manual to. These are relationships, parenting and grief. I don’t think there can be a specific rule for dealing with either of these. There are so many variables to each of these situations however there is one constant variable ‘people’. If we could predict ‘people’ and our behaviours then maybe there would be a manual for it but we can’t so we often go by trial an error on most occasions and hope for the best. Often failing in most parts (or is that just me!)
Grief is such a difficult thing to deal with there is no right or wrong answer as to how someone should deal with grief. Some people choose to deal with it alone, some like to talk about it. What I do know from the grief I have experienced is that there will always be a first. A first birthday missed, a first anniversary, a first Christmas which is why I decided to write this. Someone reading this will be having their first Christmas without a loved one. All I know is that the only thing that is the healer (and it is so cliché) is time. It’s not that you forget the person or persons you are grieving for it’s just that in time you learn to live without them being around. It doesn’t make it better but that’s the reality. It doesn’t mean you love them any less than you did. A part of them you will always have in your heart if you keep it there. You may forget from time to time but then little signs will pop up in the strangest of locations just to remind you of their prescience. A song will play on the radio, a little robin will appear in the garden, a programme will come on that reminds you of them. A quavers packet will float buy because they loved quavers (Peter Kay classic joke).
So, if you’re feeling alone at Christmas this year think of something that reminds you of a loved one. A game they used to like playing, a tv programme they would always watch and laugh at. Talk about the fantastic Yorkshire puddings they used to make, how bad they were at charades or of the time when they got so drunk of Baileys one Christmas that they fell on the tree. Talking and sharing memories of good times can be the best present of all and I’m sure if they are looking down on you, they would want to see you smiling and making the most of your life with people you love.
If you or anyone is feeling alone please reach out for help there is always someone there to listen
‘Maybe Christmas (he thought) doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more’ – The Grinch
Today it’s day 25 of the 100 squat a day challenge for November. I’ve done 100 already I went to the gym and did them as well as a bit of an upper body workout. Ste came with me and was actually quite helpful showing me some different exercises. Normally when he does things like this it’s a great way to end up in a row. Surprisingly this time we didn’t. Maybe he was a bit delicate this morning who knows! We then nipped into town to get Ste some breakfast/dinner and get some tea (not dinner) for tonight. I even got some Sarsaparilla cordial which I’m drinking now. It’s taking me back to times stood at Blackburn market absolutely freezing and being told to drink this weird tasting stuff from the health food stall. You had to stand there a drink it there and then, then give your cup back afterwards. Which I always found an enormous sense of pressure 1. Because of the pressure you were under to quickly drink up and 2. Because of my phobia of cup sharing and clean glasses. Therefore, I never really appreciated the drink as much as I am doing right now surprisingly it hasn’t brought back any PTSD.
Miss-understood Grinchmas I’ve been somewhat labelled the Grinch among my friends for the past few years. I’ve even been bought a rather green looking pullover and an advent calendar. It is hard when one friend is like Buddy the elf and celebrates Christmas basically all year round and the other is like Stacy Soloman and has the whole house decorated top to toe early November. (If you’re pondering yes that sounds like me then it most likely is you!!). Now I’m not saying there is anything wrong with this, well maybe I am. I just think that Christmas comes earlier and earlier each year. I’m always late to any party so the pressure I feel and no doubt other parents feel can be hard. I feel like there’s a stigma to keep up with the latest trends of matching pyjamas, Christmas jumpers, bigger and better wreaths, Christmas Eve boxes, advent calendars which cost as much as an Christmas present, extravagant balloons, Elf on the shelf all just when I’ve not long got Ste to put up the Halloween decorations in loft. Every year there’s always some new trend that’s going on social media this is what I don’t like. I like to fully appreciate all the months. I don’t like the fact that as Christmas is become more and more commercialised (which ultimately if we follow the trends, we are the ones spending more and more money so who’s the winner there?) I feel were losing the true meaning of Christmas.
Tonight however, Archie wanted to put up the tree and decorations. It inevitably always ends up me and him most years as apparently, we are the creative ones. (not that I think it’s an excuse for the lazy ones or course!!). I thought about it and decided I would do. Who knows how many more years we will have of this this together. Ste had got all the boxes down from the loft so me and Archie made a start. We put on a Christmas film…. the Grinch of course (the original Jim Carey one not the animated one) and got started. I can honestly say I have loved this evening, we didn’t argue once, and although I wasn’t allowed to take a picture of him, I really enjoyed spending time with my not so little boy. He’s so creative with things like this and has done a great job so far. He’s much taller now so can help with the high stuff. I looked at him and it made my heart feel full this is what Christmas is about moments like these. Our decorations aren’t the newest, the biggest or the fanciest. They have plates they made at the childminders they still want putting out every year, we have special decorations for Grandad Alan who’s no longer here and Ste always put that on the tree. For some reason I’m always allowed to put the angel on the top of the tree I think that’s only since I’ve been ill (we have to max out the C card sometimes!). Moments like these are what Christmas is about. Going to cheesy pantos, spending time with family and friends. Watching movies, you’ve seen a hundred times before but watch again just to see your children’s faces. Playing pictionary and trivial pursuits and silly games sat round the table having fun with family. Going out with friends, going for New Years walks with them. There are the things money cannot buy and maybe the Grinch (me) is just a little bit misunderstood. Maybe the Grinch just wants the true meaning of Christmas to be at the forefront of peoples minds of being together and present not pretentious and plastic.
Hopefully you’re all having a good evening. Our tree is not completely done but hopefully it will be tomorrow. I’m hoping to watch the Katie Taylor fight and Chantelle Cameron fight in a moment if I can stay awake. Have a good rest of the evening
Don’t worry this is last years Christmas tree…. I’m not that organised!
Now if you have read our previous tale of the ‘Three Amigos’ then you will know the story of how Brain, Body and Bottom have the most remarkable friendship. And that they were always connected to each other since as long as any of them can remember and also to this (now not so young) human Miss Determination (or Mrs as she had now finally put a ring on it). They had all been on such a journey with each other which had lots of ups and downs and some quite big bumps in the road but made this their bond all the more special.
However, this tale isn’t about their journey it’s one about Christmas which I hope you’ll enjoy all the same.
A Christmas Tale of the Three Amigos
It was early December and Christmas was fast approaching for the Three Amigo’s Brain, Body and Bottom. It was strange how this always seemed to surprise them as Christmas as far as they knew was always on the same day each year. The shops and stores, much to Bottoms bewilderment had been putting out items since as early as October. It seemed that Christmas was starting earlier and earlier each year which Bottom thought was a shame. She particularly liked the Autumn months and didn’t want to miss out on these. In particular she liked the smells and sound of the crisp leaves on the ground as trees shed their leaves ready for the winter and the firework displays lighting up the skies on bonfire night. Selfish or not she didn’t want to miss out on the magic of these months too as these deserved just as much attention she thought.
Either way it was soon to be Christmas and Brain was already feeling the stress of it all. Her mind was in a tizz. There were so many things to do, decorate the house, write all the Christmas cards, buy all the presents, sort out Secret Santa and buy enough food for Christmas dinner all whilst still trying to do what Brain already did.
Body like most previous years was desperately trying every last-ditch attempt to get in shape so she could fit into the sparkly cocktail dress she had hung up now for a good few years. As she sat on the couch wrapped tightly in cling film ‘This year’ she told the others. ‘This will be the year I get into my sparkly cocktail dress’. When Brain chirped up ‘You’ve no chance you’d be better selling it on G-bay or Dinted and get something that fits you….like an Ooodie maybe?’ Bottom whom thought this comment wasn’t helpful at all to the situation said ‘Body why don’t you sell that dress and maybe get something you really want and besides, you look lovely in anything, you have such an amazing body that does so much for us all’
Body sat back and looked down on herself covered in cling film, she did think she looked kind of silly so slowly started to unravel herself then went to the kitchen and grabbed a mince pie that she had her eye on now for several days. Everything in moderation Brain had always told her so that’s what she would do.
Christmas Past
Now Christmas’ hadn’t always been a success in the Determination household. One year Body fell down a pair of ladders onto the banister on Christmas Eve whilst trying to get the tree down from the loft. This ended up with her spending Christmas day in A&E with broken ribs whilst Brain and Bottom sat in silence eating Christmas dinner wondering what to do. Another year Bottom drunk too much giggle juice early doors then went outside made Christmas Angels in the snow and ended up in bed for the rest of the night (all before the Queen’s speech). Then there was the year Brain had forgotten to put the oven on at 5am like she had planned in order to cook the turkey and all the trimmings. That year they ended up eating cheese and biscuits for Christmas dinner.
There were always the usual rows normally over silly things and family ‘friendly’ games. Pictionary and Trivial Pursuits always seemed to be a favourite. One year it was a misunderstanding over an advert and a bar of chocolate, next year it was a language barrier (or accent) between Brain and Body which led to a rather strange drawing of ‘draughts’ and a very good drawing of a giraffe.
The strange thing was they survived and it was one of those rare times they all got together, spent time away from social media and distractions and actually laughed and enjoyed each others company.
Christmas Present
Brain, Bottom and Body knew this Christmas would be slightly different to previous years because of all they were currently going through and they didn’t have much money. But each in their own way they were still very much looking forward to it. See Brain knew that going to listen to Christmas carols at the Cathedral which they always did on Christmas Eve would be difficult this year due to her noise and light sensitivity. As would going to crowded places, visiting Christmas markets, going to pantomimes, and seeing Christmas lights. She felt slightly upset with this not for herself but for the others they had been through enough and she didn’t want them to miss out on all the fun. But then Body said she would take her out on little walks and look at the decorations in the woods and if they were really lucky they might see a reindeer. Bottom also suggested they should have Christmas film nights dressed in pj’s with the fire on. She knew it wasn’t the same but appreciated the sentiment from her friends all the same.
Brain whom had been stressing about spending unnecessary money couldn’t understand why people bought Secret Santa gifts as if she wanted something then why didn’t she just go and get it. Previous years she had received some right ‘crap’ as Bottom would have put it. But then Bottom reminded her of how Body’s face lit up the year when she opened the ab belt secret Santa (Brain) had given her. Brain did like that part of Christmas seeing the faces on people she loved light up, smiling opening gifts she had secretly bought or even made for them. But she didn’t tell them it was from her. Knowing that she had done something nice was all that she needed she was quite happy knowing that they thought of her as Scrooge.
Body also like to give gifts to those less fortunate than them. She didn’t know why but it gave her a warm fuzzy feeling deep down in her belly. Bottom liked to spread Christmas cheer and would say hello to everyone she passed and talk well…. ‘crap’ to people in the street. She did this because she hoped that by doing so, she might just make someone feel a little less sad and lonely even if it was just for one day.
Christmas Future
The Three Amigos didn’t know really what the future held for them but what they did know is that the Jones’ on the street had their decorations up for weeks now so they best get cracking. Body climbed up into the loft with a big push from Bottom. She was careful not to fall down the ladders like previous years. She got down the Christmas tree and boxes of decorations and passed them to Brain. Together the three amigos brought them down stairs and started to put the tree together. They looked at the decorations which brought back so many happy memories of previous Christmas’ they had spent together. Bottom couldn’t understand why people would get new decorations year after year when the old dishevelled looking ones were the ones which gave so much joy not the new shiny ones. Especially the ones that reminded them of loved ones no longer here.
This year for once putting up the tree didn’t involve arguing like usual. Normally ending with Brain left in a room all by herself scratching her head trying to put the decorations on the tree as perfect as she could. This year the three worked together helping each other passing tinsel and putting on little baubles.
Brain whom was wrapped around a big string of lights even suggested putting on a bit of Mariah Carey as she really did like that song and knew the others would too. She thought she could cope with it for at least a couple of minutes even if she had to wear her ear defenders. Bottom whom was well into her third mulled giggle juice by now turned up the radio and smiled.
They stood together and looked at the tree proud of their efforts. It certainly wasn’t the biggest tree they had seen but it was indeed very special. Body looked at the two friends and said ‘Do you know what, I know things can be hard some days but were luckier than most.’
‘In what way?’ Bottom said.
Body said ‘Well we’ve got something most people don’t have’
‘What’s that?’ asked Brain.
‘Each other’ said Body.
They all looked at each other and smiled.
Then Brain stood back and looked a the tree. She paused for a moment then said ‘it’s not right it’s missing something’. Body and Bottom rolled their eyes.
Then she said ‘it’s missing this'(as she pulled out a shiny star from behind her back).
‘I know why don’t you get on my shoulders Bottom’ Body said. Bottom climbed on Body’s shoulders she got the star and said ‘After three I’m going to put the star on the tree and I think we should all make a wish’. She put the star on the tree and said ‘One, two, three’. The Three Amigos all closed their eyes and each made a wish. They didn’t tell each other what they had all wished for and hopefully it would come true.
Christmas Eve
It was Christmas Eve and the Three Amigos had just finished watching their favourite Christmas film. They wanted to get an early night so Brain suggested they all go to bed but then Body reminded her about leaving out the stockings for their surprise wishes in the morning. Brain thought this was a load of nonsense but then Bottom reminded her it was Christmas so not to spoil the magic.
They each put their stockings out on the fireplace hoping that in the morning there would be a nice surprise inside.
Christmas Day
It was Christmas day and the Three Amigos woke up extra early which was extremely rare especially for Bottom as she normally liked to lay in bed until at least dinner time. Body sprung out of bed and shook Brain with excitement whom was dizzy at this point. To both of their amazements Bottom was already at the end of the bed in her dressing gown waiting for them to get their arses out of bed.
They crept down stairs and could see the three stockings hung on the fireplace. It looked like something was weighing each of them down. Excitedly they each grabbed their own stocking. In it was a great big satsuma the juiciest one you could ever find and also some chocolate gold coins. The three couldn’t believe their luck. They must have been good this year.
Body looked inside the stocking there was another present wrapped inside. She slowly pulled it out and opened it with excitement. It was a smoothie maker. Excellent she thought as she had rather indulged over the Christmas period.
Brain looked inside her stocking there was also a present she opened it up and smiled. It was a black sparkly cocktail dress. She knew who it was from but didn’t say anything, the reaction from Body was enough.
The two friends turned to Bottom whom didn’t have anything in her sack. ‘Where’s your present Bottom?’ said Body ‘haven’t you got anything, didn’t your wish come true?’
‘Don’t worry’ said Brain ‘you can borrow my party dress if you want to?’
To which Body added ‘and I can make you a nice smoothie anytime you want’.
But bottom looked at the two friends and smiled and said ‘There isn’t anything in my socking because everything I wished for is here. I wished that Miss Determination wouldn’t give up hope and that we would all be here for many more Christmas’s to come. That’s all I ever want.‘
The three friends looked at each other and gave each other the biggest, tightest hug they could. Christmas really was magical but so was most days they were together.
To my wonderful family and friends sending you love and thanks for all your help and support. Here’s to many more Christmas’ together
