The 1st Miss is the Deepest

4^th December 2023

Quote of the day

‘What happens if I lose you’ asked the boy

‘We are forever even if I’m not here,’ said the horse

Charlie Mackesy

The 1^st Miss is the Deepest

It’s not long before Christmas now. It’s that time of year when we’re all busy getting everything organised to spend time with family and loved ones. However, to some this can be an extremely difficult time. It can be a time spent being ill for some which can heighten the feelings of loneliness and missing out on celebrations with friends and family. Hopefully if this is you, better times will come, however try not to make expectations for yourself just enjoy being present in the moment with those you love. Christmas doesn’t have to be grand or spectacular it can be what you make it. It can be a cold turkey sandwich, a packet of twiglets while watching Home Alone if that’s what you like. It’s who you are with that matters most.

For some it can be a lonely time and filled with grief of loved ones no longer here. There are a few things in life that I personally don’t think they’ve invented a ‘Haynes’ manual to. These are relationships, parenting and grief. I don’t think there can be a specific rule for dealing with either of these. There are so many variables to each of these situations however there is one constant variable ‘people’. If we could predict ‘people’ and our behaviours then maybe there would be a manual for it but we can’t so we often go by trial an error on most occasions and hope for the best. Often failing in most parts (or is that just me!)

Grief is such a difficult thing to deal with there is no right or wrong answer as to how someone should deal with grief. Some people choose to deal with it alone, some like to talk about it. What I do know from the grief I have experienced is that there will always be a first. A first birthday missed, a first anniversary, a first Christmas which is why I decided to write this. Someone reading this will be having their first Christmas without a loved one. All I know is that the only thing that is the healer (and it is so cliché) is time. It’s not that you forget the person or persons you are grieving for it’s just that in time you learn to live without them being around. It doesn’t make it better but that’s the reality. It doesn’t mean you love them any less than you did. A part of them you will always have in your heart if you keep it there. You may forget from time to time but then little signs will pop up in the strangest of locations just to remind you of their prescience. A song will play on the radio, a little robin will appear in the garden, a programme will come on that reminds you of them. A quavers packet will float buy because they loved quavers (Peter Kay classic joke).

So, if you’re feeling alone at Christmas this year think of something that reminds you of a loved one. A game they used to like playing, a tv programme they would always watch and laugh at. Talk about the fantastic Yorkshire puddings they used to make, how bad they were at charades or of the time when they got so drunk of Baileys one Christmas that they fell on the tree. Talking and sharing memories of good times can be the best present of all and I’m sure if they are looking down on you, they would want to see you smiling and making the most of your life with people you love.

If you or anyone is feeling alone please reach out for help there is always someone there to listen

https://www.samaritans.org/

https://www.mind.org.uk/

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/grief-bereavement-loss/

Here’s hoping your Christmas will be the best however you make it x x x