- ‘’Despite the natural belittling of one’s self, the doubts, the insecurities, we have to wake up to the realisation that we all write our own autobiography, we are the authors of our life story. Realising that, write a good story with your life and make sure to write yourself as the protagonist. Be the hero of your journey’’ Yossi Ghinsberg
3rd March 2025
We all have a story. Some of us are just starting at the beginning yet to unfold the chapters of what will hopefully be one of the best stories to ever have been told. It could be a story of success, triumph or romance if you’re one of the lucky ones. It could be comedy filled with joyful moments and wild adventures along the way. Yet for most people it’s likely to include some form of tragedy, hardship and loss.
I’ve said this many times before and I genuinely believe it that if you throw all of your worries and problems up in the air you would be thankful if you caught your own. What ever you are going through in this very moment there is always someone worse off than you. That’s not to say your worries aren’t important and to dismiss any emotions you are going through by any means.
It’s a sort of optimistic way of what I imagine a group of men sat in the pub having a chat and setting the worlds to rights in between the banter of football and whatever sport happens to be on at the time looking at their one last pint of bitter before they need to go home to face the music (several hours later than they should have done might I add). Glass half full and saying ‘yeah but at least we’re not Dave the poor bastard’ pointing at the dishevelled bloke sat in the corner on his own. His wife has just run off with a salesman called ‘Tray’ twenty years his junior and to top it all off his trusty border collie he used to have by his side has just died. He would give anything to just have had his wife throw his dinner to the dog for being late home after a few pints.
A Story worth telling
When I write my blogs, I write them from my heart and my head. I’m giving the reader (I hope) a snippet into the strange world that goes on in my head. My words that appear as I type can be different at any moment in time they’re determined by my feelings and thoughts in that moment. I always try to be honest with how I’m feeling and what events I unfold. Sharing them openly to be totally honest makes me massively vulnerable. When I post a blog thoughts go through my mind of the readers (if any) what are they thinking what judgement are they making? Will they like it? Will I offend anyone? The thought of someone not liking my writing is very daunting. It’s like the first time you tell someone you love them and you genuinely don’t know what they might say back.
However, after listening to some Ted Talks at the weekend. I took away quite a few elements for future posts. But a common theme that stood out for me is that in order to succeed and achieve things we have to be accepting of failure. We have to put ourselves in vulnerable positions and take on risks in order to accomplish things. Now I’m not self-indulgent enough to think that my blogs will be for everyone. I for one don’t like every single book I’ve ever picked up. Sometimes I’ll get a few chapters in and I’ll get to that decision point where it’s either waste the time I’ve already invested to see how the story unfolds or cut my losses and ditch the book.
For those of you that have read my blogs some you might enjoy some you might have thought were a bit shit to be honest. However, I still like to think that I make some sort of connection with you that it entices you to keep on reading. I hope that the words I write make you feel some sort of emotion whether that be happy, sad, mad or you might pick up one useful snippet of information (although if you’re reading my blogs for words of wisdom, I genuinely urge you to read something more educated like the Dalai Lama or The Beano). What I took from this weekend however was that I have the power to hopefully help people from my misfortunes. By sharing my thoughts, emotions and experiences. What I deemed to be a hardship is in fact a blessing in some obscene sort of way. Not many people will have experienced (I hope) what I have having Stage 4 cancer twice so not only it it blessing to share but also by sharing it might lead to early diagnosis in some individuals or provide glimmers of hope and support along their own journeys.
Write your own autobiography
We all have the opportunity to write our own stories. We may not always have the opportunity to chose every chapter and what happens to the characters that surround us. I for certain would not have chosen to have Stage 4 cancer to go through all that I did only to find a couple of years later having to write another story of having Stage 4 cancer but Brain Metastasis. It’s like watching a really good film that has a happy ending and then discovering they’ve made a sequel which is totally not what you were expecting, to top it all off it comes without sound (and speech in my case) a bit mind boggling and is very slow moving!
We may not be able to write the content or keep the characters within our story. Some will no longer want to be a part of your story and that’s ok. They will go onto make their own stories but they have served their purpose in your story to a point. We can however challenge and choose our ending. A bit like those books that you used to be able to make a choice on what happened by turning to certain pages.
As a middle age woman I honestly don’t know where my life story is going. I have never been organised I just like to live in the moment. Planning too far ahead for me creates unnecessary stress I don’t need. Imaginary deadlines I don’t want. I’m not sure if this has been a recent thing since my cancer diagnosis as thinking too far ahead when the prognosis you have isn’t good. Nor was it about being in denial about what could happen. It was more enjoying the present moment and focusing on what I could achieve.
I don’t think about the ending in my story as that’s not going to be for a long time yet. All I know that it’s one with HOPE and I like to think RESILENCE maybe some triumphs and tragedies but hopefully one that people around me will keep helping me turn the pages one exciting chapter after another. One that doesn’t necessarily have an ending but one that is told to the next family generations to come…..a Never-ending story
You can’t re-wind but you can re-set
10th November 2024
Quote of the day:
- ‘You can’t rewind the past but you can reset yourself as many times as you need’. R. Cummings November 2024
- “No act of kindness is too small. The gift of kindness may start as a small ripple that over time can turn into a tidal wave affecting the lives of many.” Kevin Heath CEO More4Kids
Week Ending Sunday 10th November 2024
A shit storm in a tea cup
To say this week has been a shambles is probably an understatement. Yet some how it’s led me to writing this blog something I’ve knowingly neglected for some time now. Which has played on my mind and made the simple task of just purely writing for joy a task in itself which I wouldn’t normally find.
I won’t go into too much detail about the turn of events as I’m conscious that it could be upsetting to some readers. I’ll simply state what started off as an instinctive ‘act of kindness’ on my part has in fact led to a wave of kindness, no sorry that’s totally wrong! I meant a tsunami of shit that followed on to today. It all started on Monday night with a visit to urgent care, with a dog bite, that ended up with an x-ray, a tetanus jab, a dressing and being sent on my merry way with some antibiotics for the next few days thinking this was quite an unfortunate state of events but hopefully it was the end of that.
However, no this was not to be the case on Tuesday night I went to a show with my friend (Simon Brodkin who is actually really funny if you want to see him) and I said to her I felt a bit cold and shaky as the evening went on it seemed to get worse. I got home and went straight to bed it was then during the night I started to feel pretty unwell; I was burning up; I felt really sick and had the rigors. This feeling was all to familiar to me as I had experienced a pretty similar version of this several years ago in hospital after my second dose of Immunotherapy. I managed to get through the night but in the morning, I was straight on to the Skin Care team and explained the turn of events. They recommended that I contact my GP so I did and got an appointment for later that morning. I told the doctor what had happened explained I had felt like this previously, showed her my tablets I had been given from urgent care and was given a new prescription for some different antibiotics. I collected these and started taking them that day. I had started to develop a rash but assumed this was just from the first set of antibiotics so carried on taking the new ones.
Wednesday went by and I felt pretty ok despite the rash still being there. Thursday came so I decided to go on a longish run being I had entered a 10K race for today (Remembrance Day) and wasn’t sure I could do the distance. That’s without considering my lack of running ability, the general short notice of deciding to enter, and the turn of events on Monday meaning my training for this run had been pretty much been non-existent. Thursday, I spent most of the day in bed bar this run as I was pretty shattered from the previous days. Friday came and again I had very little plans during the day except visiting parents and general jobs and I was going to see Lucy Beaumont at night so took it easy during the day. I did a little run just to keep my legs moving more than anything and felt fine. Lucy was funny a down to earth Northern lass from a working-class family so a comedian you can totally relate to especially the childhood stories. All in all, I was pretty unprepared but I was prepared to do the race even if it meant just finishing it and walking.
Things turn to shit in the night
Like the previous time it was in the night that things started to get worse. This time I started to burn up along with that came the swelling and horrendous itchy rash. Think of being bitten by midges or mosquitos but being so red and burnt that everything just hurts and you can’t sleep and that’s probably close to what it felt like. I was slowly counting down every waking hour until I thought it was acceptable to phone my mum and give her advance warning that she might want to come to out of hours with me. She did by some miracle actually answer her phone and said she would come round for 7.45am enough time to get there when out of hours opened. True to form…..she was late. Which I shamefully got really annoyed with and lashed out because by this point, I was in absolute agony and thought I could have just drove there myself. Later I did apologise for my little childish outburst.
See my mum is always late however at the moment she isn’t very mobile and bless her she hobbles about with a stick. In hospital people automatically assumed she was the patient and I was the carer. I had my bloods done to check there were no infections and had to wait for them to come back before seeing a doctor. When we saw the doctor, he was really nice. He suggested it may be the second dose of antibiotics I was allergic to. I was written a prescription for some steroids, a strong antihistamine and some cream to help soothe the itching (although writing this I’m profusely itching like mad as I type!)
Prescriptions were in a totally different part of the hospital which would have meant an extremely long hobble down several corridors and could have taken the best part of the day for mum. So, while I went, she decided to reside in a corridor and find a seat. For some reason she decided to pick a long chain of wheel chairs to sit in. But not just any when I returned, she was sat on the last one. When I returned about twenty minutes later, I found her looking like a porter had just dumped this little old lady and gone on their fag break. I came up behind her and asked her was she lost she chuckled and said ‘a few people have asked me that’ in a surprised tone!
When I got home, I was absolutely shattered but I couldn’t wait to open my bag of goodies in the quest to help make all this disappear. It was like opening a Christmas calendar on Christmas Eve and getting the chocolate with the luxury filling in or a paper picture of Father Christmas if you lived in my house in the 80’s!
It was a long day despite it being only 12 o’clock as I had been awake since 3am and after coming home to dog sick on the floor emotions got the better of me and I had a complete melt down. I was tired in pain, felt sick and the symptoms I was feeling were all too familiar. Maybe I was being dramatic but it just felt like all the trauma and memories from when I was really poorly in hospital just came over me. I made myself something to eat and a brew (as a good cuppa works wonders) and went to have a shower and lather myself in the cream I had been given and pray that the medication would kick in soon before going back to bed.
Did I get a better night’s sleep on Saturday NO not really. I ended up jumping in the shower a couple of times to ease the itching and then keep re-applying the cream. I also managed to find some face towels (flannels if your working class) and wet those which seemed to help with the itching a bit.
And here we are today (Sunday). I’m feeling slightly more human after yesterday was a complete write off. I’ve tried my best to stay awake all day so I can tire myself out for a good night’s rest. I’m definitely feeling better as I’ve managed to write this content however poor it may be.
I’ll set the scene in your mind as I’m typing away. I’m just out from a long lukewarm shower (as not to aggravate the rash) all lathered up head to toe in thick white cream but not in the slightest bit sexy (sorry I’m not quite there yet with the Jilly Cooper novels yet) ready to face tonight’s events hopefully with a little less itching and soreness. The flannels are just out of the freezer ready to thaw which I’m hoping will offer some comfort during the night. Herbal tea, water and paracetamol on the bedside cabinet. But as we all know the downside of steroids is they also keep you awake so I’m prepared the best I can be for a long night ahead. Wish me luck!
The morale of the story
When I first woke up, I was pretty miffed that I was not doing the Remembrance Day run and paying my respects. However ironically that’s what gave me the idea to write it because I did contemplate the thought ‘if I hadn’t have helped out in a way that I did on Monday night……’. But then I came to the conclusion instinct took over and I probably would have done the same again if it happened. I was just in the right place at the wrong time. Which subsequently led to list of tragedies and mild misfortunes for me. But what my little ripple of kindness did produce was waves of kindness but not in the way I expected. See it didn’t set off waves of kindness from me. The kindness came in abundance from other sources such as;
From the various urgent care staff, doctors and nurses treating me, to my mum sitting with me in A&E for hours. I know the hospital can look like the aftermath of a war zone at the best of times and could do with a ‘good wash at best’ but I have to say in all my appointments and drop ins this week I had been dealt with promptly and efficiently each time. And as horrible as it’s been at least now I know I’m potentially allergic to penicillin which is useful to know to keep on my medical records. Thank you to our NHS… I would certainly be lost without it. Kindness also came from messages from my sister and friends checking in and offering to help. I even got a brew off and an offer of help from Archie when he saw how upset I was which was nice.
It also made me think especially on Remembrance Day how lucky I am just to be here due to those that sacrificed their lives before us. In comparison my woes are minuscule to anything they would have had to witness and endure. And how lucky are we that today we have people who are willing to sacrifice their time, effort and dedication and sometimes lives to help keeping us safe. I think it takes a special kind of person to do that so if you are one of those then THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart x
Lessons Learned
- If you’ve had a bad week just reset for this week use what’s happened as experience.
- When you’re hurting it’s funny how what was painful no longer is when something else comes along (my finger being one). Maybe there is some truth to the phrase ‘I’ll give you something to cry about’ often said by parents to a moaning child.
- We can all get tired an emotional sometimes it’s not always a sign of weakness it’s just a sign you’re human.
- Kindness is a great thing to give and an even better thing to receive
A Tale of the 3 Amigos – Fitting in the box (update)
This is another tale of the Three Amigos. For those whom are reading this for the first time their names are Brain, Body and Bottom. These three friends found themselves friends for life and have always had some connection to this little human Miss Determination.
It was the teenage years and the Three Amigos were in high school. Body was in several sports teams and really enjoyed her time in school. She seemed to have made lots of friends from this and was invited to lots of social gatherings.
Bottom didn’t really enjoy learning and was always in trouble for being the class clown. However; she really loved being able to express herself in music, arts, crafts and design. She was especially proud that she could play Concerto in E-Flat Major all by her own wind, much to the other student’s disgust.
Brain was the quieter one and could often be found in the school library reading a book. She stayed in there at lunch times and every break she could. She didn’t have many friends but the ones she did have (Brain and Bottom) made her feel warm and fuzzy.
The Three Amigos were in their final year in school. It was a time when they had to sit and hopefully pass exams called SPAMS which stood for Sometimes People Actually Measure Students or at least that’s what Bottom thought they stood for.
They were sat at home in their bedroom after finishing another gruelling day at school.
‘There’s so much pressure’ said Brain who was anxiously sat at the desk reading yet another book on how to be a doctor.
‘In what way’ said Body who was bouncing a ball against a wall thinking about her next football game.
‘Well, we have these SPAMS and were supposed to do really well but if we don’t it means we can’t do the things we want to do later on in life,’ said Brain
‘What do you want to do when you’re older Brain’ asked Body
‘I want to be a brain surgeon obviously,’ said Brain quite condescendingly
‘Don’t you know what you want to do when you’re older Body?’ asked Brain.
‘I’m not totally sure’ said Body ‘But I know I want to do something with sport. When I play any sport, I forget about everything and I just feel free that’s what I enjoy’.
‘But what if you couldn’t do that what if your body got injured’ said Brain who was always glass half empty.
Body thought a bit then worryingly said ‘I suppose there isn’t much I could do then is there I mean that’s all I know and all I’m good at’. She worryingly went over to Brains library of books. In a panic she started to flick through and said; ‘I best start looking at other things I can do then!’
‘What do you want to do when your older Bottom?’ Asked Brain ‘Aren’t you worried about your SPAMS?’
Bottom, whom had just finished making a portrait of herself with her, well bottom. She had aptly named this latest master piece ‘A cheeky selfie’ said;
‘No ‘I’m not, I just want to help people and make them happy so anything that involves that then that’s a bonus. As long as I try my best and I know I have put everything I have into it then I’ll be happy.’
Bottom then quite care free carried onto her next project which was something special or so she thought.
Several days before SPAMS
It was a couple of days before the Three Amigos were due to sit their SPAMS. Bottom said they thought they all deserved a break from the studying and Body certainly agreed. She suggested they go outside and play rugby. She was practicing this set play for her final assessment piece it counted towards her final grade. Reluctantly Brain prized herself away from her books. She had, very little sleep over the past few weeks worrying about her SPAMS and how if she failed, she wouldn’t be able to do her dream job of being a doctor and helping people. She had remembered all the various bones in the body and what function they had, she even remembered their peculiar names and could spell them perfectly.
They began to play and passed around the rugby ball. Body, whom had been thinking about her set play suddenly grabbed the ball from Bottom whom was so unawares fell on her arse. Body continued to hurtle down the garden then ploughed into Brain whom at that point was stood waiting thinking about the various bones in the body and did not see Body hurtling towards her at speed. Then there was an almighty collision as Body hit Brain with full impact. Bottom got up off her arse to see Body rolling round in agony holding her arm and Brain lying on the floor not making a move. For the first time ever bottom literally shat herself in sheer panic.
The aftermath
It was the day after the incident. Thankfully there had been no major injuries however Brain was suffering from concussion and mild brain trauma but was told she was very lucky not to have any lasting damage to her brain. Body on the other hand had broken her hand and wrist when Brain fell on it during the tackle. Both were really lucky. Bottom did her best to cheer them up by telling them silly butt jokes and doing her party piece which I’m sure you can all imagine involved some rude noises and well some funky smells.
SPAMS
It was the day before the SPAMS exams. Bottom was pretty confident she had done all she could so was going to watch her favourite film and have a good night’s sleep. Body and Brain on the other had were in a complete state. Brain couldn’t remember all the body parts or their names since her accident. She couldn’t even remember all the hours of revision she had done of the past few weeks.
Body was also panicking; she couldn’t write as her wrist was so painful nor could she show off her winning set piece in rugby since she wasn’t allowed to play.
Bottom thought for a moment. She then brought out several objects which Body and Brain were intrigued by. She first looked at Body and asked her to put her wrist on the table to which she did but felt the pain quite badly. Bottom pulled out what looked like some sort of rubber mixture. She took out a big chunk and moulded into a big shape, she then asked Body to put her wrist on it and the mixture moulded round her wrist.
‘Now’ said Bottom ‘hopefully this will help you with the pain when doing your written exam.’ ‘Thanks,’ said Body ‘that feels so much more comfortable.’
‘That’s not all’ said Bottom as she pulled out a rather bright looking piece of fabric.
‘Elevate your sore arm across your body’ said Bottom. She then wrapped the fabric around Body’s arm which was the most beautiful sling you had ever seen. It wasn’t exactly Body’s taste in colours and she was worried that all her team mates would make fun of her but she put it on and instantly her arm felt lighter and less painful.
‘Now go and write out your set play’ said Bottom ‘you’re going to need that to show your team mates for your exam.’
‘Thank you’ said Body rather humbled by her friend’s kindness and thoughtfulness.
‘Now for you’ said Bottom to Brain as she pulled out some rather funny looking clay models and flash cards. Each flash card associated with a different clay model. Bottom had manipulated each model into the different bones as well as the movements. As she went through the flash cards with Brain suddenly all the pictures made sense and the words appeared in Brains head. She was so happy she gave Bottom the biggest squeeze ever.
That night the Three Amigos where all led in bed. Brain asked Bottom how she came up with the most fantastic and helpful ideas. Bottom said ‘I applied the F.A.R.T method’ to which Body and Brain laughed. ‘Don’t you mean the S.M.A.R.T method (Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic Timed)’ said Brain.
‘No’ said Bottom – ‘(F.A.R.T) Fun Artistic Realistic Thoughtful’.
Both Brain and Body looked at each other and smiled, in tandem they said ‘You’re one of a kind Bottom’
Butt that’s not the end of the story
No this isn’t the end of the story as we all hopefully know exams are not the be all and end all of people’s life journeys. So, what happened to Three Amigos in their exams you may well be thinking?
Brain did do well in her exams and passed what she needed to become a doctor. But she thought about becoming a different kind of doctor possibly a Prosthetist or brain surgeon or plastic surgeon to help people with injuries thanks to Bottom. And Body, thought about coaching sport and possibly people with disabilities also thanks to Bottom.
Bottom on the other hand didn’t do so well in her exams being she had given her friends her submission pieces to help them in theirs. One teacher did spot this however and thought her talents for thinking outside the box deserved to be rewarded. She nominated her for a design and technology award which she won. From this she was then offered an apprenticeship from a big company so didn’t do too badly after all.
The morale of the story
The morale of the story is exams won’t and don’t define you. Not everyone fits in the box that exams and learning set. Some will shine far more brightly by being outside that box. Just try your hardest and that’s all anyone can ask.
I had a path, a career, a job I loved and a purpose for twenty odd years. When my cancer returned suddenly that path has drastically changed for reasons out of control. My brain and body no longer worked the way it used to. My speech had been affected as well as noise sensitivity, my body was weak and I struggled. I slept a lot and had to rest. However, over time I am slowly finding my way, little steps at a time, pushing myself each in all aspects I can in mind, body and soul. Possibly onto a different journey, who knows maybe this was always my destiny to see how determined I can be!
Miss Determination x
What lessons I’ve learned from this;
- We all have ability. The difference is how we use it.
- Not everyone fits into the same box some have talents that can’t be measured in exams or tests.
- No one’s path is smooth but when things go wrong there are always other options
- Some of the most successful people have failed many times over
- Maybe the FART method should be taught in schools
- There’s something in YOU that the world needs
For Daisy just try your best x x x
Daily-ish Dosage 0032
A Change would do you good
Quote of the day
‘The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new’ Socrates
‘By changing nothing, nothing changes’ Tony Robbins
A Change would do you good – by the way this is one of my favourite Sheryl Crow songs and I have had it in my head during the majority of writing this blog!
Can you believe it’s a month since the inevitable whirlwind that is Christmas and New Year have passed. New Years resolutions may have well and truly been abandoned already and you’re either well into the divorce/separation phase after spending way too much time with your better (or worse) half or are desperately clinging on until January pay day. If you haven’t broken your resolutions (goals) I applaud you. If you have well don’t worry it’s never too late to make changes. I have never been a big fan of New Year resolutions one because I always have a tendency to be over ambitious and want to achieve everything all at once. A bit like crash diets and Christmas spending it’s neither wise or sustainable in the long run.
Change happens to all of us. There are certain things we cannot control for instance you will never be as young as you are right now reading this blog (that’s a powerful thought therefore I feel justifies the bold font). We cannot go back in time (unless you’re Marty McFly). That leaves us with a few options;
- Embrace the changes happening to us even though they might be pretty horrendous for instance with illnesses. Sometimes as much as we want to, we can’t help our illnesses but we can change how we let them impact our lives. We can accept they are a part of who we are and embrace this. Do our best to overcome challenges we never envisaged having. Try our best to live fulfilling lives with whatever were faced with. (I’ve decided to choose this option)
- We can also choose to change ourselves. Make steps towards goals we want to achieve in all aspects of our lives. Just maybe not all at once like I normally try to do. If we want a different profession work towards that, start taking a course. It might not get you there directly but can get you one step closer to achieving that or also it could make you realise actually it’s not what you want. You might want to learn a new skill; well, it’s never going to happen just thinking of it and not taking action. (I’m also trying to choose this option)
Whilst thinking about this blog I thought of a little acronym you know like the ones you always see about or have to endure on compulsory training courses with work! I’m not totally confident this won’t be on Pinterest/Instagram or somewhere (if you find out it is, well done you get…. nothing!) But here’s my acronym for CHANGE;
C – Consistency, showing up every day even when it gets hard
H – Heart, if your heart isn’t fully into what you are trying to achieve you will never be happy once you achieve it. Stick to your morals and what you’re passionate about you will find the changes you want are all that more attainable because you want to do them.
A – Attitude, changing your attitude to changes out of your control i.e. illnesses, growing older, how people feel about you.
N – Never giving up, you may not reach your destination but you will always have learnt more than staying in one place
G – Goals – having realistic goals to work towards. Changing these goals when they’re no long relevant to what you want to achieve.
E – Effort , like anything in life. The more effort we put in. The more likely we are to achieve something.
I mean you could say you need to be realistic in the changes we can achieve. For instance, if you’re reading this and you’re 100 years old it’s highly unlikely that you’re ever going to follow your dream of being in the Royal Ballet. Same as for me it’s highly unlikely that I will ever be on Gladiators or become one. We can all have dreams sometimes these dreams can get us onto paths we didn’t think we could go on. So, 100-year-old Ethel if you’re reading this, please let me know your secret to longevity and also book a ballet lesson today but don’t blame me if you slip a disc whilst tying your shoes.
Over the past well two years now I have been really focusing on my health. I did to a point before but now I have been more determined than ever to achieve what statistics said I wouldn’t or shouldn’t. I don’t want to stay static in my health. How can I expect to receive all the treatment I have done and advice from Dr’s and Nurses and not be willing to do my part at least. I have worked on my strength, my fitness, my memory, my speech and even my writing. I’m glad to say through hard work and consistency (though not always) I’m making massive changes for me and that what’s important. No one else can save me I need to be willing to put my effort in. Showing up on my tired days, resting when I’ve done too much. But still slowly working towards my goals.
I can’t do this without the people around me for one it would be boring and secondly we all need some support. At present for myself it’s doing the Battle Cancer Programme and having PT lesson once a week, going to the gym, doing walking netball, walking, meditating, looking at my diet. But that’s not forgetting services I have utilised and have been a lifeline to me in the past such as East Lancashire Hospice going to yoga and doing craft, having complimentary therapies. All these things have helped me get to where I am now. I’ve a long way to go. However, I’m a lot further than I was to becoming a better version of myself albeit a little older (definitely not wiser and slightly more opinionated).
I’ve put two photo’s one was from April 2022 which to be honest I hate looking at but it was and is me. I was on a lot of steroids at the time and a holiday and a walk to the beach was a big ask. The other is me at the bottom of a waterfall just before New Years Eve on walk. Little small changes have BIG impacts.
So, whatever it is you want to change…. what are you waiting for
The 1st Miss is the Deepest
4th December 2023
Quote of the day
‘What happens if I lose you’ asked the boy
‘We are forever even if I’m not here,’ said the horse
Charlie Mackesy
The 1st Miss is the Deepest
It’s not long before Christmas now. It’s that time of year when we’re all busy getting everything organised to spend time with family and loved ones. However, to some this can be an extremely difficult time. It can be a time spent being ill for some which can heighten the feelings of loneliness and missing out on celebrations with friends and family. Hopefully if this is you, better times will come, however try not to make expectations for yourself just enjoy being present in the moment with those you love. Christmas doesn’t have to be grand or spectacular it can be what you make it. It can be a cold turkey sandwich, a packet of twiglets while watching Home Alone if that’s what you like. It’s who you are with that matters most.
For some it can be a lonely time and filled with grief of loved ones no longer here. There are a few things in life that I personally don’t think they’ve invented a ‘Haynes’ manual to. These are relationships, parenting and grief. I don’t think there can be a specific rule for dealing with either of these. There are so many variables to each of these situations however there is one constant variable ‘people’. If we could predict ‘people’ and our behaviours then maybe there would be a manual for it but we can’t so we often go by trial an error on most occasions and hope for the best. Often failing in most parts (or is that just me!)
Grief is such a difficult thing to deal with there is no right or wrong answer as to how someone should deal with grief. Some people choose to deal with it alone, some like to talk about it. What I do know from the grief I have experienced is that there will always be a first. A first birthday missed, a first anniversary, a first Christmas which is why I decided to write this. Someone reading this will be having their first Christmas without a loved one. All I know is that the only thing that is the healer (and it is so cliché) is time. It’s not that you forget the person or persons you are grieving for it’s just that in time you learn to live without them being around. It doesn’t make it better but that’s the reality. It doesn’t mean you love them any less than you did. A part of them you will always have in your heart if you keep it there. You may forget from time to time but then little signs will pop up in the strangest of locations just to remind you of their prescience. A song will play on the radio, a little robin will appear in the garden, a programme will come on that reminds you of them. A quavers packet will float buy because they loved quavers (Peter Kay classic joke).
So, if you’re feeling alone at Christmas this year think of something that reminds you of a loved one. A game they used to like playing, a tv programme they would always watch and laugh at. Talk about the fantastic Yorkshire puddings they used to make, how bad they were at charades or of the time when they got so drunk of Baileys one Christmas that they fell on the tree. Talking and sharing memories of good times can be the best present of all and I’m sure if they are looking down on you, they would want to see you smiling and making the most of your life with people you love.
If you or anyone is feeling alone please reach out for help there is always someone there to listen
Here’s hoping your Christmas will be the best however you make it x x x
Daily Dosage 0030
30th November 2023
Quote of the day
“The greatest victory is that which requires no battle.”
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Day 30
It’s day 30 of my squat and blog challenge for Stand Up to Cancer. That’s 30 days of consistently squatting 100 squats a day, 3,000 squats in total. 30 days of writing I don’t know how many words but a lot.
What have I learned from this challenge;
- That you can do anything you set your mind to you just have to make yourself accountable
- I can make simple body weight exercises a part of my daily routine even when time is limited, it can be broken down into sections.
- I can write consistently although it can drain my energy and then I feel tired
- Ste says I take too long to write a blog. My excuse is because I like to put my heart and soul into my writing to make it worthwhile for people to read.
- I have built up strength in my weak glute from this challenge.
- I can now crack a nut with my arse cheeks which will come in handy over Christmas (I made this one up)
- If you write with honesty and positivity people will support you.
To all my family and friends taken too soon. To all my friends who have fought their battles and ones still on their journeys. Whether you share it with others or fight in silence. My words are for you and I will continue to share and live in HOPE for us all.
This is just the beginning
This is not the end, we’ve only just begun
There’s so many battles we still have to overcome
To make sure our suffering, fear and pain
And clinical trails are not all in vain
We need to come together with our knowledge and what we have learnt
So that future generations don’t have to feel the same hurt
Different types of regiments together as one
Joining forces showing how powerful we become
Using our pain and our scars
To fight the same war
And eradicate cancer for once and for all
by Rachel Cummings 30/11/23
Just a quick note……
To everyone that has read one of my blogs (or maybe all) over the past 30 days. To those that have left words of encouragement on my Facebook page or shared them. Thank-you. It has honestly kept me going as I felt a sense of obligation that I didn’t want to let you or myself down. Ste has done his 100 sit ups a day. The kids well I can’t honestly say they have!
If you have a spare quid or two and would like to sponsor me for this challenge I would be extremely grateful. My just giving page is here;
https://fundraise.cancerresearchuk.org/page/rachels-giving-page-5475
Daily Dosage 0029
29th November 2023
Day 29
It’s day 29 of the 100 squat a day challenge for November. I’ve done my 100 for today and feeling good. The end is in sight which in some ways I will be glad but then in others I will miss. I’ve loved the fact it’s making be consistent however I’m finding it difficult to think of things to write as well as spending the time uploading the finished blog on my page.
Quote of the day
Some people are so poor all they have is money – Bob Marley
To keep the body in good health is a duty…otherwise we shall not be able to keep the mind strong and clear’ – Buddha
The importance of ‘Good Health’
I can bet that if you were to ask anyone with a terminal illness what they would wish for it would be something related to their health. To have more time, to be cured. It’s so strange that we all focus our lives so much on wealth having material things, excelling in our careers that when it comes down to it isn’t important. I’ve discovered that the hard way. How many times when your ill has it affected your ‘wealth’ when you’ve not had the ability to work or to go and do things when you are sick. No amount of money can buy that.
Yes, money can buy the material things that can aid your health the treadmills, gym memberships, latest products and supplements. But you can’t physically buy your health no matter how wealthy you are. This is why it’s so important that we look after our bodies. After all they’re the only ones we’ve got and we have to make the most of what we have been given even in the most unfortunate of situations. It can often seem unfair when people have the ability to be fit and healthy and abuse their bodies either by drugs or alcohol or the foods, they it. I often have people say to me ‘why does it happen to nice people’. The things is, cancer and a lot of illnesses don’t discriminate. Anyone could be faced with a life-threatening illness at any time, any age, any place.
All we should do is put our bodies in the best fighting scenario for if it does happen. Don’t wait until you’re ill to do this. Make a change today even if it’s a stretch or a step or eating less sugar. Just start. It’s better to come last than to never start at all
Today my back is still sore but I went to walking netball and enjoyed it. I took it easy as I don’t want to put myself out again but I went. It could have been all to easy not to have gone (which to be honest that’s what I did last night at Battle Cancer). But that rest last night to my back meant I could do today. Because I didn’t go to my class last night, I did go for a walk just to do something. Sometimes when we get injuries it can be frustrating but you should listen to your body (I defo need to improve on this). For me it’s a form of escapism, it helps with my mental health and I like to make myself accountable. There’s only me that’s accountable to my body and my brain and I owe it to them both to give them the best possible chance of survival by doing the right things. Eating right, moving, exercising, reading, meditating, writing. Everything I do is to keep me going, keep improving. Wealth doesn’t even come into it. A lot of the things I do are free. But if I didn’t do them, they would certainly cost me a lot more.
So, if there’s a class or club you’ve been meaning to go to or a walk you want to try, a challenge you want to do or even a home workout if that feels more comfortable just do it. You owe it to your body to at least try for the ones who aren’t privileged to do so themselves.
See you tomorrow