Melanoma and Me
The fight of my life
The story so far

Daily Dosage 0024

24th November 2024

Quote of the day

‘A fresh lick of paint can make you appreciate what you already had.’ – R Cummings

Today it’s day 24 of the 100 squat a day challenge for November. I’ve done 100 already. Today was one of those days that my tiredness kicked in big time. This time it’s been my whole body. I’ve started doing a lot more and it’s inevitable that it would do at some point. We’ve had a busy week with the kids and to be honest that can be pretty draining in itself. Worrying about their next stages of life and if they will in fact turn into decent human beings!

A Fresh Perspective

Tonight, me and Ste just went out to get out of the house for a bit and I’m glad we did. Just to get away from the kids for a bit before getting a takeaway treat. Talking to our friends made me realise our kids aren’t that bad at all. I just need to look at it from a different perspective (a fresh lick of paint). Was I that bad when I was their age? (yes definitely) are things totally different for them now? (yes, certainly and in some ways harder). I made mistakes growing up, made stupid choices but I think that’s part of life. I don’t think I turned out too bad in the end. I had a good job, still have fantastic friends and can be pretty responsible (sometimes). I just need to let them make their own mistakes (within reason of course) and be there to help them if things do go wrong. That way they can hopefully learn and be better individuals as a result.

On a positive note, we’ve had some decorating done and I’m sat in the living room and it just feels so much nicer, brighter and fresh. I’m really appreciating the fact we have a nice cosy living room all it needed was a bit of TLC (probably a bit like us). It feels quite homely and I’m even contemplating on getting the Christmas tree out soon. Don’t worry this is highly likely not to happen being that I am reliant on Ste going up into the loft. We’ll be lucky if it gets done before Christmas Eve!

Hopefully you’re all having a good evening. If not try to look at it from a different perspective, a fresh pair of eyes. If not, my advice is just sleep on it and maybe it will be better tomorrow.

See you tomorrow

X x

The story so far

Daily Dosage 0023

23rd November 2023

Quote of the day

‘In order to write about life first you must live it’ – Ernest Hemmingway

Today it’s day 23 of the 100 squat a day challenge for November. I’ve done 75 just another 25 to go!! I went to my PT this morning and despite having a sore back my PT still managed to do a workout for me which was great. I think like most things in life everything is scalable and adaptable we just need to look beyond the ‘normal’ rules of sport/work/learning and life in general. It’s like the walking netball I go to. I am really enjoying it, I used to play netball pre kids but now I think I would struggle so this is a great way of picking up something I used to do but slightly different. It also means I socialise with a group of people I probably wouldn’t have normally.

The other night after my Battle Cancer class my friend was giving me ideas of what to write for my blogs as I am finding it difficult especially on my tired days. The days when I have done some exercise, I often need a sleep during the day just to recharge those energy levels again for the kids, for meal times, for the evening, for writing. I think you get the idea. Anyway, she mentioned something about 10 years from now and looking in the mirror. So, I’ve written this poem.

10 years from now…..

Really look into the mirror who do you see

An older version of the woman you used to be

A few more wrinkles, the odd laughter line too

Ones that show all you have been through

Your eyes still the same with a slightly different glow

The pain they have seen only you know

You’re older, wiser and stronger they say

You fought your corner and paved your way

But ten years from now is a long time away

Make the most of being present in each and every day

Life’s ocean at times can feel rough

But the storms you ride are what make you tough

And once the storms have passed

There will be calm at last

And in 10 years from now

You will be ever so proud

Of the person that’s stood in the mirror

The one with an aura that glimmers

By Rachel Cummings 23/11/23 (how weird is todays date!)

Thanks for the inspo Gill x

The story so far

Daily Dosage 0022

22nd November 2023

Quote of the day

‘Some people think that to be strong is to never feel pain. In reality, the strongest people are the ones who feel it, understand it, and accept it.’ – Unknown

‘Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional’ – Buddhist Proverb

Today it’s day 22 of the 100 squat a day challenge for November. This morning on the way to the hospital for an appointment we got a phone call to say that my appointment was cancelled. That miffed me off. I think I get more frustrated as I am aware that people often have to go out of their way to get me to these appointments especially my parents and Ste. My mum was taking me on this occasion so I felt bad for her. She had gone out of her way to take me and probably will do for my next rearranged appointment. The joys of not being able to drive do add a complexity and element of stress into our lives so I need to stay on my best behaviour and hope that I will get my licence back some time in the not-too-distant future.

Where there is pain can there be pleasure?

I’ve got really bad back ache today so I’m missing out on my walking netball as a result which I’m also miffed off about but know that I should just rest for 1 day (well maybe).  Unfortunately, when I’m in pain I think I take it out on others especially those closest to me. I don’t mean to but I have very little patience. I have been told I have quite a high pain threshold on a couple of occasions but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel pain. I think I show it in other ways like staying silent or just show it in my face. Someone once told me before I was due to have my first child that pain is only temporary. I think this was one of the best pieces of advice anyone has given me for coping. In moments of agony, I have often used this thought to get me through. I think this can also apply for emotional as well as physical pain.

We can’t always see the pain someone is suffering on the inside. I really feel for those suffering from the pain of depression or mental illness or chronic illnesses, dealing with it on a daily basis must be extremely difficult. I am lucky that I’m pretty much pain free most days. I think I would be even more moody than Ste thinks I am already if I was!!

So, from today where is my pleasure?

  • I got my 100 squats done early (albeit through gritted teeth and holding my back)
  • My mum took me to town and I bought some pain killers and some bubble bath so that should help
  • I got to spend time with my mum and bought her a coffee which was better than going to the hospital.
  • I messaged my instructor and he has given me some exercises to do which I will do later on
  • I’ve had chance to write this blog
  • Oh, and a brucei bonus I’m sat at home with the house to myself so that’s definitely something to be grateful for and smile about!!

Hope you all have a pain free day. If not hopefully tomorrow.

See you soon

X x  

The story so far

Daily Dosage 0021

21st November 2023

More than a number in my little red book

Today it’s day 21of the 100 squat a day challenge for November. I haven’t yet done my squats and was thinking about what to write. Then I randomly opened a page from Matt Haigh’s The Comfort Book P230 and it discussed numbers.

It’s true that numbers are part of our every day life, we use it for our jobs for buying, for dialling, for calculating, for all sorts. We use it to measure our progress or rankings which can be a useful tool when trying to lose weight, run faster or get stronger. In fact, I used to be quite a numbers and spreadsheet girl until my brain tumour and after my operation. I wouldn’t be able to work out simple things like change from a note. It’s definitely come back which I’m glad as my kids have been taking advantage of the fact I can only deal in notes for far too long!!

I think all to often we judge people on not necessarily the ‘right’ sort of numbers. For example, the number of followers on TikTok, the number of friends someone has on Facebook, the number someone is paid for contracts footballers and movies stars, celebrities. Does this then make them a more valuable human being than the rest of us? How do you determine someone’s worth? If it is purely by the number in their bank account then I think we need to look further. For me I can’t deny that having a certain number (money) can mean you have access to more things you desire and can buy things you need or want to live. But I certainly don’t think I value someone’s worth on how many followers they have. I have more respect for WHAT people do to help others   

The Value of 1

You’re more than your number of followers on any given day

You’re more valuable than what you get paid

The tools that you use to compare yourself too

Don’t really show deep down the real you

What you give back to the world

 And have yet to be hurled

For patience and time

Your time will shine

Keep doing what you do

Always keeping yourself true

To the values you believe

And you will always achieve

Something special to hold

Worth 10.000 times more than gold

Deep down in side

You will always have pride

And the value of just 1

How powerful that can become

By Rachel Cummings 21st November 2023

(can you tell I only like poems that can rhyme, showing my limited writing abilities)

Keep doing your squats they are more than just a number they are what they represent, they represent a community joining forces to become a mighty ONE!

See you tomorrow

X

The story so far

Daily Dosage 0020

20th November 2023

A-Z of Metastatic Melanoma

Today it’s day 20 of the 100 squat a day challenge for November, I’m literally 2/3 of the way there. Squats completed, just gone for a walk as had a tiring day.

I thought I’d to something a bit different I had no idea if not I could fill the alphabet with all my related symptoms, treatment and medications. So, I gave it a try. Luckily, I have still a few more letters to go before I do (and I definitely don’t want to) there are probably other words that spring to mind later but I think you get the idea.

I thought by putting down all this information if someone is reading it and thinking I might go and get a tan on the sunbed or go and get burnt on holiday maybe they might think twice. That and I also want to highlight how lucky I am (we all are) that the NHS provides treatment and care for people like me to stay alive. Yes, it can make mistakes and definitely isn’t the most efficient at times. But there’s no questioning it is under enormous strain.  So please let’s look after it and support it when we can as without it, we would all be worse off.

Quote of the day

People say you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you’d lose it.

A-Z
 
A – Aspasia, Ambulance, Appointments
B – Brain tumour. Biopsies, Blood, Bedbound
C – CT scans, Craniotomy, Canular, Catheter, Counselling, Cancer, Colitis
D – Dermatology, Dizziness, Dexamethasone, Doctors
E – Ear Nose and Throat, expressive dysphasia,
F – Fatigue, fluorodeoxyglucose, fits, Factor 50
G – Glands (saliva gland), Gallstones, Gadolinium
H -Hospitals, Hospice, Hair loss  
I – Immunotherapy, Ipilimumab, Inflammation, Iodine
J –
K- Keppra
L – Liver Function Test
M – Metastatic Melanoma, Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), Mobility aids
N –Neurosurgeons, Nivolumab, Nurses, NHS
O – Oncologist, Occupational therapist
P – Physio therapist, Pulmonary Embolism, Prescriptions, Positron emission tomography (PET) scans
Q –
R – Rosemere Cancer Foundation, Radiotherapy, Rash, Radiotracer Injection
S – Stereotactic radiosurgery (SRS), Seizures, Skin Care team, Speech Therapist, Steroids, Surgery, Scans, Stroke symptoms
T – Tumours, Tiredness, Tinnitus
U – Ultrasound, Unbalanced
V – Veins, Vitamin D
W – Waiting rooms, Warfarin
X – X-ray
Y – Yervoy
Z
 
And by the way this isn’t a tick list for you all to try and hit like one of those list of things you should have done before the age of 40. I highly recommend you DO NOT try any of these!
See you tomorrow
X x
 
 
 
The story so far

Daily Dosage 0019

19th November 2023

HOPE

Quote of the day

  • Nothing is stronger than a small hope that doesn’t give up – Matt Haigh P101
  • Never give up. No matter what is happening, no matter what is going on around you, never give up – Dalai Lama

Happiness + Optimism + Positivity = Extraordinary results

Today it’s day 19 of the 100 squat a day challenge. Squats completed went for a very wet and miserable walk to at least achieve something.

Always the optimist

Since cancer entered my life I have always on the majority of days been a glass half full kind of girl. Even when the odds seemed highly stacked against me on the first diagnosis never mind the second diagnosis. I have always tried to remain hopeful and positive. That is the only thing that keeps me going.

A lot of the time I use the first quotation in my daily affirmations. I must admit since starting these blogs and squats I have neglected my journalling on most days but the affirmations and mantra are very much there in my head. I’m very much of the opinion if I don’t have hope then how can I inspire and give others hope in their lives. Hope for better times ahead, hope for more time, hope for earlier diagnosis, hope for more treatment options and a hope to long and happy life.

Hope that this finds you well

See you tomorrow

X x x

Tonight is short and sweet

The story so far

Daily Dosage 0018

18th November 2023

Quote of the day

  • ‘Where words fail, music speaks’ Hans Christian Anderson
  • ‘I’ve found that no matter what life throws at me, music softens the blow’ – Bryce W. Anderson

Today it’s day 18 of the 100 squat a day challenge. Squat completed bottom feeling a bit sore! I managed to have an early night and a lie in and felt much better for it. I’ve not long got back from the Christmas light switch on, comfies on now drying out sat by the roaring fire and typing away.  I was really impressed with the big light switch on in town, lots of pop-up stalls, food and drink stalls and the general stage was really good. For a little town it’s getting better and better each year I just wish they did more stuff like this (pop up shops and events) on a regular basis to help local businesses and getting more people into town spending money. Ultimately if we all shopped locally at least once a week then there would be more and more businesses and more choice for customers whom don’t need to then go to the next town or major store to buy things. Sometimes yes it can be a little expensive but what you get is better customer service.

Anyway, before I carry on my rant about how the council should invest a lot more into the market, doctors’ surgery, schools in proportion to the number of housing developments that are being put up I’ll leave on a positive note. Tonight was a success and I think everyone enjoyed it including most of the middle-aged parents reliving their days up the Roxy dancing to various dance tunes including ‘Set You Free’ the banger everyone was waiting for including me. One year hopefully it won’t rain for everyone that would be a bonus.

Music can set you free

I absolutely love music. I am lucky that pre and post kids we went to quite a lot of concerts saw lots of bands and have some fantastic memories with them. Music can bring us so much emotion. Songs can may us cry and music can make us feel free. It brings people together that wouldn’t necessary be together. I can’t understand why people go to concerts pay all that money, get absolutely sh1t faced that they can’t remember the gig. Just enjoy the atmosphere enjoy the music then have a few drinks later.

I think one of the biggest effects on me with being diagnosed with brin tumours was the noise sensitivity it has brought to me. Something I totally took for granted before it happened, was that I could listen to any sort of music at any time or place. Go and enjoy concerts with friends go to see live music. This has been a total game changer and one quite upsetting if truth be told I often feel and I know I am missing out on good nights. I don’t go and switch a radio on in fact I avoid it and probably don’t have a clue on what has been No 1 for the past couple of years.

However, on the plus side things are definitely getting better. This time last year I think I really struggled with the light switch on. Now when I go in the gym and I can put my own music on to drown out whatever is playing in the background. It’s strange that my playlist is chilled 90’s this is what I find the easiest to listen too. Maybe that’s what my brain recognises.

Not so long ago I went to Madonna with one of my best friends Em. It was so good I had such an amazing time one that I will remember forever. I even managed to listen to the songs without my headphones on just my ear plugs in. Now that was an achievement in itself and to share that experience with her was just special.

So, hope you all enjoy your evening please if you feel like it put a bit of N-trance on and dance in the kitchen for me.

See you tomorrow

X x x