The waiting game

So I have only managed to write a couple of posts so far but hopefully I will keep them coming and give a full overview to present day and the trail of events up to now (in sequence as this doesn’t really fit with my OCD). This post however skips forward to today (Tuesday 16th January 2018) and how I am feeling about an appointment I have tomorrow with the oncologist which I have been waiting for since I left hospital (9th November 2017). See after numerous tests, blood tests, urine samples, scans, steriods, creams and antibiotics it was conculded that the symptoms I had experienced in hospital (high temperature spikes, fever, swollen gal bladder, skin rashes, inflamed liver, blurred vision) were all side effects from the Immunothearpy treatment not an infection as initally thought.

This  wasn’t the greatest news as although I didn’t want to have an infection I certainly didn’t want my treatment stopped. I had only completed two rounds out of four of the combination drugs and still had two to go before they would then scan me to determine how effective the treatment had been. I have sort of been prompted that it is unlikely that I will be given one of the drugs as the side effects I had were pretty severe but I will wait for the full update tomorrow. I do feel like I have only just started this treatment before it’s been stopped and just want to ensure I give myself the best chance of beating this disease.

Since I was discharged from hospital in November I haven’t had a follow up appointment with the doctors. I have been on steroids and hopefully can finally come off them this week and been having regular blood tests for my liver. I have built my strength back up as when I first came home I struggled to walk. I have now been running and I regularly do some form of exercise most days. Since being diagnosed with cancer I have given up alcohol and my diet has completely changed (I’ll go into this in more detail in another post). I try to eat organic fruit and vegetables, non dairy where possible. I also try to avoid most processed foods and stick to white meats and fish. I meditate and try to practice things such as mindfulness and visualisation trying to stay positive when I can . Why do I do all this?

I do this because I believe that all these attributes play a positive part in having a healthy body and mind. If all these elements can supplement my treatment in any shape or form then my efforts are by no means wasted. I had a CT scan on 19th December which will determine if my cancer has disappeared, shrunk or spread and the appointment tomorrow is to discuss these results and future treatment plans going forward. Since the scan I have felt some days in limbo. We have had a lovely Christmas and New Year and I have tried to do my best not to put my life on hold but some days have been better than others. I have noticed this waiting game affect Ste in some ways more than me and sometimes negative thoughts take over.

What will the outcome be I don’t know, what I do know is that I have the love and support of my husband, children, family and friends regardless. I will continue with my current life style choices as these are a way of a happier, healthier and hopefully longer life. Tommorow is one of the most improtant days in my life and although part of me has been waiting for this day the other part doesn’t want it to come as it may come with change. Questions go thorugh my mind as have I done enough. I have to believe I have.

 

“If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost

For out of the world we find,

Success begins with a fellow’s will –

It’s all in the state of mind.

“If you think you are outclassed, you are,

You’ve got to think high to rise,

You’ve got to be sure of yourself before

You can ever win a prize.

“Life’s battles don’t always go

To the stronger or faster man,

But soon or late the man who wins

Is the man who thinks he can!”

(Napolean Hill – Think and Grow Rich)