‘Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars and see yourself running with them’ – Marcus Aurelius
Today it’s day 26 of the 100 squat a day challenge for November. I’ve done 100 already. All the excitement of doing the Christmas decorations has drained me. The Grinch’s heart has grown! Although this Grinch is slightly miffed off at all the empty Christmas boxes around the house that now go back into the loft. (damn I knew this wouldn’t last!!)
I’ve only got 4 more days of writing to go I’m finding it harder and harder now. The back is barely holding out but on a positive note I put a pair of pants on that I have never worn yesterday. I was going to sell them and buy the same pair in a bigger size so I’ve literally saved myself £30 quid. The squats must be working!
Reach for the Stars
I have always had a fascination with the stars. At one point I used to have a loft bedroom both at my parent’s house and at my first house. I would love looking out of an evening at all the different stars. I find them amazingly calming and fascinating. I’ve never been an astronomer or astrologist other than reading Mystic Meg in the paper to determine my relationships or whether I should quit my job. Whatever your religion or beliefs, I don’t think you can argue with the beauty of the stars and the planets and what insignificance we are in comparison to these that have existed for millions of years.
One of my bucket lists is to see the Northern lights and to see an aurora. I just love the beauty of the colours. In all the madness in this world to see something so pure and natural would be absolutely a dream come true. Maybe one day I will do that.
I think is a good thing to aim high and ‘reach for the stars. If we don’t dream, how can we have goals and aspirations. If we don’t have goals and aspirations, how can we achieve the impossible. That’s one good thing about being a child they are the biggest dreamers. The skies the limit to then as they’ve not experienced a world with limitations and rules. So next time you look into the sky take a moment to put yourself up there amongst all the stars. Imagine achieving the impossible that only you can dream of and who knows what may be looking down on you in that very moment in time.
Hopefully you’re all having a good evening and have had a good weekend. Thankyou for spurring me on and keeping me going or for just commenting and sharing the end is on the horizon.
‘In order to write about life first you must live it’ – Ernest Hemmingway
Today it’s day 23 of the 100 squat a day challenge for November. I’ve done 75 just another 25 to go!! I went to my PT this morning and despite having a sore back my PT still managed to do a workout for me which was great. I think like most things in life everything is scalable and adaptable we just need to look beyond the ‘normal’ rules of sport/work/learning and life in general. It’s like the walking netball I go to. I am really enjoying it, I used to play netball pre kids but now I think I would struggle so this is a great way of picking up something I used to do but slightly different. It also means I socialise with a group of people I probably wouldn’t have normally.
The other night after my Battle Cancer class my friend was giving me ideas of what to write for my blogs as I am finding it difficult especially on my tired days. The days when I have done some exercise, I often need a sleep during the day just to recharge those energy levels again for the kids, for meal times, for the evening, for writing. I think you get the idea. Anyway, she mentioned something about 10 years from now and looking in the mirror. So, I’ve written this poem.
10 years from now…..
Really look into the mirror who do you see
An older version of the woman you used to be
A few more wrinkles, the odd laughter line too
Ones that show all you have been through
Your eyes still the same with a slightly different glow
The pain they have seen only you know
You’re older, wiser and stronger they say
You fought your corner and paved your way
But ten years from now is a long time away
Make the most of being present in each and every day
Life’s ocean at times can feel rough
But the storms you ride are what make you tough
And once the storms have passed
There will be calm at last
And in 10 years from now
You will be ever so proud
Of the person that’s stood in the mirror
The one with an aura that glimmers
By Rachel Cummings 23/11/23 (how weird is todays date!)
Today it’s day 20 of the 100 squat a day challenge for November, I’m literally 2/3 of the way there. Squats completed, just gone for a walk as had a tiring day.
I thought I’d to something a bit different I had no idea if not I could fill the alphabet with all my related symptoms, treatment and medications. So, I gave it a try. Luckily, I have still a few more letters to go before I do (and I definitely don’t want to) there are probably other words that spring to mind later but I think you get the idea.
I thought by putting down all this information if someone is reading it and thinking I might go and get a tan on the sunbed or go and get burnt on holiday maybe they might think twice. That and I also want to highlight how lucky I am (we all are) that the NHS provides treatment and care for people like me to stay alive. Yes, it can make mistakes and definitely isn’t the most efficient at times. But there’s no questioning it is under enormous strain. So please let’s look after it and support it when we can as without it, we would all be worse off.
Quote of the day
People say you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you’d lose it.
A-Z
A – Aspasia, Ambulance, Appointments B – Brain tumour. Biopsies, Blood, Bedbound C – CT scans, Craniotomy, Canular, Catheter, Counselling, Cancer, Colitis D – Dermatology, Dizziness, Dexamethasone, Doctors E – Ear Nose and Throat, expressive dysphasia, F – Fatigue, fluorodeoxyglucose, fits, Factor 50 G – Glands (saliva gland), Gallstones, Gadolinium H -Hospitals, Hospice, Hair loss I – Immunotherapy, Ipilimumab, Inflammation, Iodine J – K- Keppra L – Liver Function Test M – Metastatic Melanoma, Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), Mobility aids N –Neurosurgeons, Nivolumab, Nurses, NHS O – Oncologist, Occupational therapist P – Physio therapist, Pulmonary Embolism, Prescriptions, Positron emission tomography (PET) scans Q – R – Rosemere Cancer Foundation, Radiotherapy, Rash, Radiotracer Injection S – Stereotactic radiosurgery (SRS), Seizures, Skin Care team, Speech Therapist, Steroids, Surgery, Scans, Stroke symptoms T – Tumours, Tiredness, Tinnitus U – Ultrasound, Unbalanced V – Veins, Vitamin D W – Waiting rooms, Warfarin X – X-ray Y – Yervoy Z
And by the way this isn’t a tick list for you all to try and hit like one of those list of things you should have done before the age of 40. I highly recommend you DO NOT try any of these! See you tomorrow X x
You’ve done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy for your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.’ -Ralph Marston
I don’t think I could have found a more suitable quote for me. Sometimes when life seems to give us more than our fair share of sh1t. We need to use that energy and frustration and turn it into something positive.
Day 10 50 squats done if I do the other that will be 1,000 squats. Had to get the massage gun out today though to alleviate some muscle I didn’t know I had!!
Here’s a poem to my younger self;
A message to my self
If I could take a step back in time.
Talk to the young girl whom would live the woman’s decline
I’d tell her there are treasures more precious than gold
And she is so privileged she already holds
She is amongst Queens when it comes to her health
For amongst the sick and the poor she has the wealth
But for some reason she doesn’t see the beauty inside
See wants to fit in and no longer hide
She’s going away, doesn’t want to go red
So stupidly she goes on the sunbed instead
Blissfully unaware of the damage she’s caused
And the future body she’s already scarred
For her moment of vain
In years to come, she would feel the pain
Years will go by and in a twist of fate
A holiday in the white isles she finds her mate
Then along come the children a girl and a boy
To fill her heart with so much joy
A few years go by not without a few highs and lows
But from these times she learns and each time she grows
Then the day does come which most people fear
She holds it together but not without a tear
Deep down she knows this isn’t the end
For positivity and determination happen to be close friends
The treatment will feel like she can’t carry on
But despite the pain she does until it is gone
The mistakes that she’s made she puts on show
By writing about the tales of her woes
But unfortunately, this wasn’t the happy ending she sought
A few years from now there’s another battle to be fought
This time it’s far harder than the last
And she would need the same grit and determination she had in the past
But she’s done it before and will do it again
For future, past and present she won’t let cancer win
Lessons Learnt
Don’t ever over expose yourself in the sun (especially not naked you could get arrested in some countries). Factor 50 is your friend. It’s great for wrinkles too. Please don’t ever use a sunbed it’s 2023 these things should be banned.
Look after your health it really is the most valuable asset you have in your power.
If you’ve had your fair share of pain you’ve survived until today you can survive tomorrow.
‘If your actions create a legacy that inspires others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, then you are an excellent leader.’ – Dolly Parton
Inspire others
Day 9 of the squat challenge and today I’m feeling really tired. I think a combination of a late night, the mental draining from writing each day and just generally feeling physically sore is kicking in today. I can tell I’m tired because unfortunately I don’t have the patience for the kids when I’m like this. Normally around this time I’m due to take some medication and I can’t deal with constant questions of ‘why’. It’s a bit like being really hangry and tired at the same time but not always feeling hungry. One of my kids in particular is very inquisitive shall I say and this can be a real struggle on days like this. Don’t worry after my tea (not dinner we’re northern) I’ll make sure I sit down and have a chat, that’s if I’m allowed in their room! (the joys of teenagers). Usually the questions (battle) are life threatening events such as going out somewhere, wi-fi, phones or what’s for tea. I think that pretty much sums up everything.
I did go to a personal trainer this morning. I thought bout cancelling but I didn’t and despite me feeling tired I just got something done. Sometimes we feel like that and sometimes just doing a bit is better than nothing. I’ve been going for a couple of weeks now (just once a week) because although I am quite dedicated when it comes to exercising, I definitely need tips on exercises and technique and some times a little push when I otherwise wouldn’t. The rest of the afternoon I’ve literally slept and looking outside now it’s pitch black. The dark nights have set in now which I know makes it a lot harder for those of you who are planning on exercising tonight rather than get in your comfy pyjamas and sit in front of the fire. It’s like our bodies want to go into hibernation mode, sometimes we have to fight that off and do it. So, if you do, do that I promise I’ll get the rest of my squats done and take the dog for a walk in the dark, cold and rain how’s that for a deal?
The reason why I put the above quote up today was that as I was getting out of my mum’s car after the gym, she told me that she too has started doing 50 push ups off the kitchen top (not stood on the kitchen top I hope). She said she breaks it up into manageable 25 sets and is working towards doing 100. How amazing is that! I think inspiring others to do more and learn more is a precious gift and does feel warm and fuzzy inside. There are so many people that inspire me in a variety of aspects of my life, battling cancer, facing challenges, being a better person. No-one knows everything we can all learn a do more if we are open to listen to others. We might not always agree with their opinions but you never know you might just learn something new.
I often ponder on why and our purpose in life and I think ultimately to inspire others what an achievement that would be. Listening to Steve Back shall last night he was very passionate about inspiring the net generation to ultimately save the oceans, rare species and the planet. I think looking around the room there will definitely be a young generation that care about our planet and hopefully take action inspired by him and many others Sir David Attenborough being one.
So, whatever your passion is in life as long as its for the greater good please continue to inspire others.
You’re never too old to learn something new. I learnt this last night when I didn’t have a clue what half the oceans habitat are called.
‘None of us, including me ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful’ – Mother Teresa
The Three Amigos decide to Stand Up to Cancer
Now if you have previously read some of my blogs you may have come across a couple of tales about the three amigos, Brain, Body and Bottom. These three friends are connected to a slightly vertically challenged (now middle-aged woman). For the purpose of these stories, we will call her Miss Determination (even though now she’s a Mrs and maybe not so much determined but more stubborn (as her husband likes to remind her most days!)
Anyway, the three amigo’s Brain, Bottom and Body had watched Stand Up to Cancer last Friday evening and as much as they enjoyed the programme it really upset them. All of all the stories of people affected by cancer. In particular one young girl who was just 11 and sadly died of cancer after also losing her mum to cancer.
As the three friends sat there together tissues in hand wiping away the tears Bottom said ‘It’s so sad, we need to do something to help these people’.
Body who was shaking from the crying said ‘I agree we need to fight back’.
Brain said ‘I have an idea I have seen these 100 squats a day challenge, why don’t we give it a go and raise some money for research?’
To which Bottom replied ‘Squit challenge won’t that be messy?’
No said Brain ‘SQUATS’. ‘You know where you bend your knees and then lift up. It’s supposed to be really good to get a firm bottom, Bottom.’
‘I’m not sure I can do the squats you know Brain I’ve got a sore leg from playing football,’ said Body.
‘Don’t worry ‘said Brain ‘we can think of something similar to do. What about sit ups maybe?’
‘Yes, I can do them no problem!’ said Body.
‘Great!’ said Brain. ‘To be honest I think I will struggle counting. It’s not my strong point at the moment my head get all fuzzy and I lose concentration.’
‘Don’t worry,’ said Body. ‘I have a clicker counter from my old days on the doors we can use that’.
Bottom was looking rather sheepish then said ‘you know what I’m really nervous if I squat too much what if I trump and have an accident? I haven’t got a spare pair of undies since I blew a hole in my other ones.’
‘Don’t you worry,’ said Body. ‘I have got a new pair of special Lycra ones you can borrow not only do the tuck your tummy in the well keep you trumps in too’.
Bottom looked down at his tummy then looked at the other two and they all laughed.
‘Right then’ said Brain ‘we need to set a schedule and pick a time we can do it together. I’ve developed a timetable and marked each day for the whole month on the calendar’. To which the other two smiled and rolled their eyes back. Secretly they know if they ever needed a robust plan to stick too Brain was the girl for the job.
So, every day for the whole of the month the three friends would get together as planned and do their squats and sit ups. Brain would get the counter and click every time they did a rep. Bottom would laugh every time, she made a noise but was thankful for the stretchy pants. Body was also glad that she could join in despite being injured.
Some days the three friends would have to break up the squats into smaller sections just because they were short on time. The main thing is they got them done. 100 squats/sit ups a day for 30 days.
Bottom could definitely feel her cheeks getting firmer. Body could feel her stomach getter tighter and Brain could manage to count each rep more than she thought she could have.
The End of the Challenge
It was day 30, the last day of the challenge. The three friends had religiously stuck to the challenge. At times they thought about stopping especially as it hurt so much but then they each thought of the little girl in the programme and carried on through gritted teeth and clenched cheeks!
‘That’s it’ said Brain ‘we’re done, how fantastic it that’. Body looked up and smirked which suggested she didn’t agree.
‘What’s the matter Body?’ asked Brain.
‘I feel like I’ve not fully done the challenge,’ said Body.
‘Don’t be stupid’ said Brain, ‘you adapted it because there was something you couldn’t do. You stuck to the challenge showing other people they too can adapt to suit their physical needs’.
‘I guess you’re right’ said Body sticking her chest in a proud sort of way.
Brain looked at their donation page. She turned to the others slightly disappointed and said ‘unfortunately we haven’t met our donation target’
Bottom looked at the two friends and said ‘that doesn’t matter at all. Remember that little girl, we did it for her and for people like her. Together we stood up for cancer to inspire others to do the same and give people hope, that’s what matters.’
‘You’re always so right,’ said Brain.
Then the three amigos gave each other a big hug. They all felt really proud of themselves and deservedly so.
‘Right then who’s getting in the bath first?’ asked Body clutching her stomach.
Day 8 100 squats done!
Sorry it’s a bit late for today but I got it done in the end, keep going everyone and thank you for reading
You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger – Buddha
Sometimes it can truly hard to not get angry by the situations or things that have happened to us. So many people if you sat down and listened to them have had their fair sure of misfortunes that could have forced them to act out in anger. Often you hear of athletes of business people that were fuelled by anger. However, I’m pretty sure that the same flame burning inside that caused them to take action at some point will become more of a burden and probably cause a feeling similar to indigestion. How often have you been angry with someone to the extent that it affects you more than them. This is what Buddha is saying in the above quote. Quite often the ones we are angry with are blissfully unaware if the pain we are suffering. It’s so much harder to frown than it is to smile. It takes effort to stay angry with people. I often hold onto grudges for far too long (it’s one of my many weaknesses I am slowly learning to work on). I think it’s because I am so sensitive that when I give, I give my all and when I get let down it truly hurts and that’s where the anger starts to build up. Better still if we can’t forget what someone has done to us try to learn to forgive if only for our own sakes.
FU*K CANCER
The thing is I could easily get angry about all the things that have happened as a result of cancer not once but twice. But who will ultimately benefit from that, it will be cancer causing more stress, worry and most likely make me ill. As hard as it can be to accept sometimes, I am who I am (trust me there are times when I really hate not me but the situation I am in, this usually coincides with the monthly blues). However thankfully that surpasses as I know I have so much to give and how lucky I am. I have what some people dream about having; an annoying husband, two annoying teenagers a roof over my head, supportive equally annoying family and weird quite often drunk friends. Some people don’t have that at all. How lucky am I. (I love them all really)
Cancer can take away my physical strength (I’m working on that as well so watch out), my speech, my ability to work as I used to. It can even make it really difficult to feel ‘normal’ in every day social situations struggling to enjoy music, shopping, like everyone else. However, there are things in my control to which I won’t give cancer the benefit of taking away from me. Cancer can’t take away my will power and resilience (stubbornness Ste would say)
I will use my situation (and the sh!t that is cancer) to create positivity in the best way I can. To make friendships with the most unlikely of people and in the most unlikely of places. I will use it to spread hope to others, laughter at my misfortunes. Knowledge of my misfortunes to help others get earlier diagnosis and better chance of survival. Now isn’t that a far better act of revenge.
So unless you want to constantly have the Rennies on standby for the anger inside you I suggest you do what Elsa does and just ‘Let it go’
