G&T – Green Tea and Tonic

Quote of the day

‘By replacing your morning coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 87% of what little joy you have left in your life’ – Unknown

‘Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in day out’ – Robert Collier

Green Tea and Tonic

It’s that time of year again where for some unbeknown reason people feel guilty and beat themselves up about the copious amounts of food and/or alcohol they have consumed over the festive period. Then we all look at our slightly expanded waistlines and fuller cheeks and feel an element of disappointment that we have let ourselves get in this slob of a state over the past two weeks (or two months as the Christmas period also seems to be expanding much to my disgust but that’s another rant for another time).

If you have abstained yourself from indulgence over the festive period then you are probably one of very few people and more likely than not have a greater will power than the rest of us. And to the rest of us don’t worry, don’t beat yourself up if you have indulged over the festive period. If you enjoyed yourself and spent time with your family and friends, does it really matter that you may have had chocolate for breakfast on more than one occasion or too many snowballs and baileys while singing Auld Lang Syne, or just had days where you ate nothing but fridge tapas which contains a random selection of cheese, dips, pate and other items which ordinarily would never appear in your shopping bag let alone fridge.  If you enjoyed it then why feel the guilt. It’s only when the things which we know aren’t good for us that become something we depend on a daily basis that we should worry and possibly rethink what are we actually getting from these. Is this really the thing that is the key to our happiness or is this a disguise for masking our unhappiness.

Lifestyle Choices

I often get asked about my lifestyle choices. Whilst writing this I currently don’t drink alcohol (put it this way my speech, balance and memory can be dodgy at the best of times without it).  Also, I think my brain could do with all the cells it needs so best to keep away from the giggle juice at the moment. I have drunk before many times (especially during my teens). In fact and have some pretty funny stories which I’m sure wouldn’t have happened if I had been stone cold sober but I have remained pretty much alcohol free since my original diagnosis in 2017. I did however fall off the t-total wagon for a while during COVID and lockdown. My pretty feeble excuse is both of us were working full time sometimes 10-12 hours a day whilst trying to home school two children (very badly). Not agreeing on approach to this I have to admit it just all got a bit too much. I was not one of these perfect mums that had a strict itinerary to which their children stuck to, had snacks for the day all set out and ready or go on nature walks with them. I was a far cry from this.

During this time, I did also develop what I’d call furlough envy where I would feel some unjust about people/friends who were off work doing absolutely nothing all day except sitting in their gardens, going for sneaky walks and generally drinking all day and sometimes getting paid for the privilege. I know this is totally wrong/shameful to have felt like that whilst on the flip side there were people who had a horrific times during COVID and are probably still dealing with the after effects of that period. The people who lost their jobs, people were working ridiculous hours to save lives and care for the sick, people who had lost families, people who were volunteering their time whilst being off to help others and people who couldn’t see their own families whilst they were sadly taking their last breath. And here I was moaning and feeling some unjust about what people had been given (by the government) and all I had to do was stay at home, work a job that I had chosen (not anyone else) and look after my own children (well sort of).

Find the good in everything

Some good did come out of lock down though. I learnt to fold shopping bags into triangles to save space and look pretty, my kids did a Joe Wicks workout (albeit once then refused to do another because they didn’t like his voice) and we built a log cabin all by ourselves (well it was in kit form but not a bad achievement). It was my 40^th birthday present and something we had wanted for a while and had been saving for. It was rather timely delivered literally the week before lockdown happened. As a result we couldn’t get anyone to assist us to build because of COVID. It was either save the rather expensive huge pile of wood on display out the front for bonfire night (the company refused to deliver it all to the back of the garden which probably would have saved my shoulders and about three days of handballing pieces of wood taller than me to the top of the garden). So, we thought we better crack on. Three pretty amazing achievements have happened through this time;

1. It’s still standing now despite a number of Gail force winds ( and despite those odd spare bits you get with flat pack furniture or Lego which you just hide for fear of question and effort in undoing all what you have just built)

2. Neither one of us are buried under the patio as a result of the build.

3. We now have an additional office/living/sleepover space (which came particularly useful for avoiding each other for the rest of lock down).

Ste often worked until late at night hammering the roof and floor in (maybe out of desperation to build a retreat where he could escape from us all). Where I on the other hand once I had finished work checked the kids had actually logged on for the day and had actually got dressed, check they hadn’t eaten all the treats in the cupboard (often they had), made tea (not dinner) before going outside and banging on a pan at the front door then walking the dog (legally may I ad).

A combination of this stress, not working out or moving as much as I would have done, a few drinks to try and ‘destress’ led to me gaining a lot of weight and feeling rather unhappy with myself. I knew this wasn’t how I wanted to be, it wasn’t helping any aspects of my life so I got back running and working out more and hopped ‘back on’ the t total wagon. See it’s never to late to undo the bad habits you have created you just have to realise it takes time and effort from which can only come from you.

My tonic

It’s surprising how many places play music while you’re out and about shops, pubs, leisure centres, cafes. Something I never even noticed until it affected me. This can be enough to having to make a sharp exit from a restaurant before ordering leaving the waiters wondering was it something they said. The only way I can describe or assume it’s like someone putting you in a stress position and scraping their nails down a chalk board whilst someone else is asking you about how you’re getting on (trying to focus on two things at once it’s total sensory overload for me).

Despite not drinking and the noise sensitivity I do like going to the pub especially my local. However, this has sometimes been hit and miss but on my ‘good weeks’ we do try to go in on a quiet night just once a week to give us both a sense of getting out (not out out). I am what I’d like to think quite a social person. I generally just like being round people and chatting. This past year had been one of the most challenging times for me in that most social situations I would struggle with. I also lost a lot of confidence when we did go out. If I had to speak or would be asked questions, I wasn’t sure if the words which were in my brain would come out the same way. There was also the fear of going out and putting on the ear defenders looking round to see if people were staring at you (thinking is he really that boring she’s had to put those on, and yes sometimes he can be!).  To me going out for a change of scenery, getting away from the house (and the kids), seeing my friends even just for a short while is the gin to my tonic. I don’t need alcohol.

It’s having a chat and laugh that’s what I enjoy. I could drink if I wanted to but that wouldn’t help my situation or achieve my goal. Despite help from others when things do go wrong it’s only me that’s ultimately accountable (with the help from the doctors and nurses of course) to get better. In these situations, it’s the same will power that’s in my decisions to avoid certain foods, not drink, try to exercise as often as I can and feel comfortable in saying ‘no’ to the good stuff. I swear I have felt this deep down in my stomach during the really tough times this energy to push on through like my will power and determination are pulled together. Don’t get me wrong I’m not a saint by any means I do occasionally go off course but I know the goal I want to achieve and I have that in mind then I’m back to it and I’m comfortable with that approach.

Food Choices

People also ask about my diet. I am what I’d call an unethical vegan (not sure if that’s actually a term but we’ll go with it). In that I am predominately plant based and vegan but haven’t chosen this lifestyle because I disagree with cruelty to animals (not that I condone that either, maybe with the exception to the neighbour’s cat that keeps sh1tting on my front garden) but you get what I mean. However, if I’m totally honest with you I did let a few celebrations pass my lips and try a bit of Christmas pudding with custard over the Christmas period but that’s ok I enjoyed them.

My food choices as with everything else (green tea, tumeric, Vitamin D, berries) are because I believe that wholefoods and not processed diets are the key to beating my cancer. For myself I use this approach and whatever advice and treatment I am lucky to receive from the NHS.

Your Goals

Some people often say when I tell them my lifestyle choices ‘oh you’re so good I couldn’t do that’ but I bet you could and would if you were in my position. For me I feel like if it’s one step closer to getting ‘better ‘or staying alive then it’s an easier choice to make. I know that I have done all I can (well maybe 80% of the time) and I hope that my children, husband and family would be proud of me for making those choices. As part of this lifestyle, I also try to journal and meditate daily. I have for several months been listening to a meditation that helps repair neurological pathways to the brain and improves memory. I believe its working things seem to be improving along with my speech and noise sensitivity so I shall keep doing it. For me these small daily efforts will hopefully lead to my success of the tumours disappearing and being cancer free. And also trying to enjoy myself as much as possible within the limits of my current capabilities.

Green Eyed Monster

Sometimes it can be hard when your friends and family are doing things that you would love to be able to do like go to concerts or go to a pub/nightclub and dance all night, going abroad or getting absolutely steaming drunk. Also on the flip side I have sometimes found it frustrating when people don’t do the things that they are more than capable of doing but choose not to i.e., exercise. In all honesty I have definitely lost touch with some friends because of the situation I am in. You slowly get left out of things because they think you’re not up to it. It can be really hard not to be jealous and upset about all of this and something I am working on. But if we all were jealous of other people’s face value ‘better off’ situations then the world would be a pretty negative place.

As I’ve said many times before we all have our own issues going on and if we threw our problems up in the air, you’d be pretty glad you caught your own. There is always someone worse off than us however crap our situation is. And those friends that have lost touch I can’t blame them they’re just going out enjoying living their lives which is totally what everyone should do. Life is far too short not to say yes to fun, to go to places we haven’t been or to challenge ourselves, to change and being the best version of ourselves we can.

I’m slowly learning to not let my misfortunes affect how I feel about others good fortunes even when it seems really good things always seem to happen to ‘wanky‘ people (sorry mum). I can’t let that affect me I just need to concentrate on the good things in my life and there are many.

Everything in Moderation

I’m a big fan of everything in moderation. Surely sitting in a pub having a drink with a friend or having a nice treat meal every now and then surely has to be better than starring at a screen for 12 hours a day with no interaction with friends or family. So take a break when you need it, make that phone call to a friend you’ve been thinking about for weeks. Go get some fresh air. Don’t beat yourself up if you skipped a leg day just as long as you don’t make skipping days and indulging days into every day. That way when you do indulge surely you will appreciate it more. That’s the feeling I want to have to be able to go out and not worry about noise or music, to hopefully go to see my favourite bands, to go to a night club and dance (well maybe side step). To go on a plane, to be able to drive. To one day be told I am cancer free.  I want that more than the need for alcohol or fried food. And after all green tea doesn’t taste that bad, I just drink mine with a bit of mint it’s no worse than a really bad mojito I promise.

Whatever you do it’s your choice and likewise you can’t make other people choose your ideal lifestyle however upsetting and harmful it sometimes it can be (in cases of addiction). It has to come from within, yes you can be there for them and encourage them when they are ready to be encouraged but you can’t force something on someone else. Just concentrate on yourself, how you want to feel and your ultimate goals and don’t be so hard on yourself enjoy the ride, however bumpy it may be.

Lessons Learned

1. To be successful in anything you have to be consistent in your daily choices however small they seem at the time.
2. Don’t beat yourself up if you go off track every now and then you’re in this for the long haul.
3. Enjoy yourself, have fun but also enjoy the fact other people are having fun enjoying their lives without you.
4. Don’t buy a log cabin just before a pandemic.
5. Don’t blame others for your misfortunes however unjust it can sometimes seem.