Melanoma and Me
The fight of my life
The story so far

A Tale of the 3 Amigos – Fitting in the box (update)

This is another tale of the Three Amigos. For those whom are reading this for the first time their names are Brain, Body and Bottom. These three friends found themselves friends for life and have always had some connection to this little human Miss Determination.

It was the teenage years and the Three Amigos were in high school. Body was in several sports teams and really enjoyed her time in school. She seemed to have made lots of friends from this and was invited to lots of social gatherings.

Bottom didn’t really enjoy learning and was always in trouble for being the class clown. However; she really loved being able to express herself in music, arts, crafts and design. She was especially proud that she could play Concerto in E-Flat Major all by her own wind, much to the other student’s disgust. 

Brain was the quieter one and could often be found in the school library reading a book. She stayed in there at lunch times and every break she could. She didn’t have many friends but the ones she did have (Brain and Bottom) made her feel warm and fuzzy.

The Three Amigos were in their final year in school. It was a time when they had to sit and hopefully pass exams called SPAMS which stood for Sometimes People Actually Measure Students or at least that’s what Bottom thought they stood for.

They were sat at home in their bedroom after finishing another gruelling day at school.

‘There’s so much pressure’ said Brain who was anxiously sat at the desk reading yet another book on how to be a doctor.

‘In what way’ said Body who was bouncing a ball against a wall thinking about her next football game.

‘Well, we have these SPAMS and were supposed to do really well but if we don’t it means we can’t do the things we want to do later on in life,’ said Brain

‘What do you want to do when you’re older Brain’ asked Body

‘I want to be a brain surgeon obviously,’ said Brain quite condescendingly

‘Don’t you know what you want to do when you’re older Body?’ asked Brain.

‘I’m not totally sure’ said Body ‘But I know I want to do something with sport. When I play any sport, I forget about everything and I just feel free that’s what I enjoy’.

‘But what if you couldn’t do that what if your body got injured’ said Brain who was always glass half empty.

Body thought a bit then worryingly said ‘I suppose there isn’t much I could do then is there I mean that’s all I know and all I’m good at’. She worryingly went over to Brains library of books. In a panic she started to flick through and said; ‘I best start looking at other things I can do then!’

‘What do you want to do when your older Bottom?’ Asked Brain ‘Aren’t you worried about your SPAMS?’

Bottom, whom had just finished making a portrait of herself with her, well bottom. She had aptly named this latest master piece ‘A cheeky selfie’ said;

‘No ‘I’m not, I just want to help people and make them happy so anything that involves that then that’s a bonus. As long as I try my best and I know I have put everything I have into it then I’ll be happy.’

Bottom then quite care free carried onto her next project which was something special or so she thought.

Several days before SPAMS

It was a couple of days before the Three Amigos were due to sit their SPAMS. Bottom said they thought they all deserved a break from the studying and Body certainly agreed. She suggested they go outside and play rugby. She was practicing this set play for her final assessment piece it counted towards her final grade. Reluctantly Brain prized herself away from her books. She had, very little sleep over the past few weeks worrying about her SPAMS and how if she failed, she wouldn’t be able to do her dream job of being a doctor and helping people. She had remembered all the various bones in the body and what function they had, she even remembered their peculiar names and could spell them perfectly.

They began to play and passed around the rugby ball. Body, whom had been thinking about her set play suddenly grabbed the ball from Bottom whom was so unawares fell on her arse. Body continued to hurtle down the garden then ploughed into Brain whom at that point was stood waiting thinking about the various bones in the body and did not see Body hurtling towards her at speed. Then there was an almighty collision as Body hit Brain with full impact. Bottom got up off her arse to see Body rolling round in agony holding her arm and Brain lying on the floor not making a move. For the first time ever bottom literally shat herself in sheer panic.

The aftermath

 It was the day after the incident. Thankfully there had been no major injuries however Brain was suffering from concussion and mild brain trauma but was told she was very lucky not to have any lasting damage to her brain. Body on the other hand had broken her hand and wrist when Brain fell on it during the tackle. Both were really lucky. Bottom did her best to cheer them up by telling them silly butt jokes and doing her party piece which I’m sure you can all imagine involved some rude noises and well some funky smells.

SPAMS

It was the day before the SPAMS exams. Bottom was pretty confident she had done all she could so was going to watch her favourite film and have a good night’s sleep. Body and Brain on the other had were in a complete state. Brain couldn’t remember all the body parts or their names since her accident. She couldn’t even remember all the hours of revision she had done of the past few weeks.

Body was also panicking; she couldn’t write as her wrist was so painful nor could she show off her winning set piece in rugby since she wasn’t allowed to play.

Bottom thought for a moment. She then brought out several objects which Body and Brain were intrigued by. She first looked at Body and asked her to put her wrist on the table to which she did but felt the pain quite badly. Bottom pulled out what looked like some sort of rubber mixture. She took out a big chunk and moulded into a big shape, she then asked Body to put her wrist on it and the mixture moulded round her wrist.

‘Now’ said Bottom ‘hopefully this will help you with the pain when doing your written exam.’ ‘Thanks,’ said Body ‘that feels so much more comfortable.’

‘That’s not all’ said Bottom as she pulled out a rather bright looking piece of fabric.

‘Elevate your sore arm across your body’ said Bottom. She then wrapped the fabric around Body’s arm which was the most beautiful sling you had ever seen. It wasn’t exactly Body’s taste in colours and she was worried that all her team mates would make fun of her but she put it on and instantly her arm felt lighter and less painful.

‘Now go and write out your set play’ said Bottom ‘you’re going to need that to show your team mates for your exam.’

‘Thank you’ said Body rather humbled by her friend’s kindness and thoughtfulness.

‘Now for you’ said Bottom to Brain as she pulled out some rather funny looking clay models and flash cards. Each flash card associated with a different clay model. Bottom had manipulated each model into the different bones as well as the movements. As she went through the flash cards with Brain suddenly all the pictures made sense and the words appeared in Brains head. She was so happy she gave Bottom the biggest squeeze ever.

That night the Three Amigos where all led in bed. Brain asked Bottom how she came up with the most fantastic and helpful ideas. Bottom said ‘I applied the F.A.R.T method’ to which Body and Brain laughed. ‘Don’t you mean the S.M.A.R.T method (Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic Timed)’ said Brain.

‘No’ said Bottom – ‘(F.A.R.T) Fun Artistic Realistic Thoughtful’.

Both Brain and Body looked at each other and smiled, in tandem they said ‘You’re one of a kind Bottom’

Butt that’s not the end of the story

No this isn’t the end of the story as we all hopefully know exams are not the be all and end all of people’s life journeys. So, what happened to Three Amigos in their exams you may well be thinking?

Brain did do well in her exams and passed what she needed to become a doctor. But she thought about becoming a different kind of doctor possibly a Prosthetist or brain surgeon or plastic surgeon to help people with injuries thanks to Bottom. And Body, thought about coaching sport and possibly people with disabilities also thanks to Bottom.

Bottom on the other hand didn’t do so well in her exams being she had given her friends her submission pieces to help them in theirs. One teacher did spot this however and thought her talents for thinking outside the box deserved to be rewarded. She nominated her for a design and technology award which she won. From this she was then offered an apprenticeship from a big company so didn’t do too badly after all.

The morale of the story

The morale of the story is exams won’t and don’t define you. Not everyone fits in the box that exams and learning set. Some will shine far more brightly by being outside that box. Just try your hardest and that’s all anyone can ask.

I had a path, a career, a job I loved and a purpose for twenty odd years. When my cancer returned suddenly that path has drastically changed for reasons out of control. My brain and body no longer worked the way it used to. My speech had been affected as well as noise sensitivity, my body was weak and I struggled. I slept a lot and had to rest. However, over time I am slowly finding my way, little steps at a time, pushing myself each in all aspects I can in mind, body and soul. Possibly onto a different journey, who knows maybe this was always my destiny to see how determined I can be!

Miss Determination x

What lessons I’ve learned from this;

  1. We all have ability. The difference is how we use it.
  2. Not everyone fits into the same box some have talents that can’t be measured in exams or tests.
  3. No one’s path is smooth but when things go wrong there are always other options
  4.  Some of the most successful people have failed many times over
  5. Maybe the FART method should be taught in schools
  6. There’s something in YOU that the world needs

For Daisy just try your best x x x

The story so far

Daily-ish Dosage 0032

A Change would do you good

25th January 2024

Quote of the day

‘The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new’ Socrates

‘By changing nothing, nothing changes’ Tony Robbins

A Change would do you good – by the way this is one of my favourite Sheryl Crow songs and I have had it in my head during the majority of writing this blog!

Can you believe it’s a month since the inevitable whirlwind that is Christmas and New Year have passed. New Years resolutions may have well and truly been abandoned already and you’re either well into the divorce/separation phase after spending way too much time with your better (or worse) half or are desperately clinging on until January pay day.  If you haven’t broken your resolutions (goals) I applaud you. If you have well don’t worry it’s never too late to make changes. I have never been a big fan of New Year resolutions one because I always have a tendency to be over ambitious and want to achieve everything all at once. A bit like crash diets and Christmas spending it’s neither wise or sustainable in the long run.

Change happens to all of us. There are certain things we cannot control for instance you will never be as young as you are right now reading this blog (that’s a powerful thought therefore I feel justifies the bold font). We cannot go back in time (unless you’re Marty McFly). That leaves us with a few options;

  • Embrace the changes happening to us even though they might be pretty horrendous for instance with illnesses.  Sometimes as much as we want to, we can’t help our illnesses but we can change how we let them impact our lives. We can accept they are a part of who we are and embrace this. Do our best to overcome challenges we never envisaged having. Try our best to live fulfilling lives with whatever were faced with. (I’ve decided to choose this option)
  • We can also choose to change ourselves. Make steps towards goals we want to achieve in all aspects of our lives. Just maybe not all at once like I normally try to do. If we want a different profession work towards that, start taking a course. It might not get you there directly but can get you one step closer to achieving that or also it could make you realise actually it’s not what you want. You might want to learn a new skill; well, it’s never going to happen just thinking of it and not taking action. (I’m also trying to choose this option)

Whilst thinking about this blog I thought of a little acronym you know like the ones you always see about or have to endure on compulsory training courses with work! I’m not totally confident this won’t be on Pinterest/Instagram or somewhere (if you find out it is, well done you get…. nothing!) But here’s my acronym for CHANGE;

C – Consistency, showing up every day even when it gets hard

H – Heart, if your heart isn’t fully into what you are trying to achieve you will never be happy once you achieve it. Stick to your morals and what you’re passionate about you will find the changes you want are all that more attainable because you want to do them.

A – Attitude, changing your attitude to changes out of your control i.e. illnesses, growing older, how people feel about you.

N – Never giving up, you may not reach your destination but you will always have learnt more than staying in one place

G – Goals – having realistic goals to work towards. Changing these goals when they’re no long relevant to what you want to achieve.

E – Effort , like anything in life. The more effort we put in. The more likely we are to achieve something.

I mean you could say you need to be realistic in the changes we can achieve. For instance, if you’re reading this and you’re 100 years old it’s highly unlikely that you’re ever going to follow your dream of being in the Royal Ballet. Same as for me it’s highly unlikely that I will ever be on Gladiators or become one. We can all have dreams sometimes these dreams can get us onto paths we didn’t think we could go on. So, 100-year-old Ethel if you’re reading this, please let me know your secret to longevity and also book a ballet lesson today but don’t blame me if you slip a disc whilst tying your shoes.

Over the past well two years now I have been really focusing on my health. I did to a point before but now I have been more determined than ever to achieve what statistics said I wouldn’t or shouldn’t. I don’t want to stay static in my health. How can I expect to receive all the treatment I have done and advice from Dr’s and Nurses and not be willing to do my part at least. I have worked on my strength, my fitness, my memory, my speech and even my writing. I’m glad to say through hard work and consistency (though not always) I’m making massive changes for me and that what’s important. No one else can save me I need to be willing to put my effort in. Showing up on my tired days, resting when I’ve done too much. But still slowly working towards my goals.

I can’t do this without the people around me for one it would be boring and secondly we all need some support. At present for myself it’s doing the Battle Cancer Programme and having PT lesson once a week, going to the gym, doing walking netball, walking, meditating, looking at my diet. But that’s not forgetting services I have utilised and have been a lifeline to me in the past such as East Lancashire Hospice going to yoga and doing craft, having complimentary therapies. All these things have helped me get to where I am now. I’ve a long way to go.  However, I’m a lot further than I was to becoming a better version of myself albeit a little older (definitely not wiser and slightly more opinionated).

I’ve put two photo’s one was from April 2022 which to be honest I hate looking at but it was and is me. I was on a lot of steroids at the time and a holiday and a walk to the beach was a big ask. The other is me at the bottom of a waterfall just before New Years Eve on walk. Little small changes have BIG impacts.

So, whatever it is you want to change…. what are you waiting for

The story so far

The 1st Miss is the Deepest

4th December 2023

Quote of the day

‘What happens if I lose you’ asked the boy

‘We are forever even if I’m not here,’ said the horse

Charlie Mackesy

The 1st Miss is the Deepest

It’s not long before Christmas now. It’s that time of year when we’re all busy getting everything organised to spend time with family and loved ones. However, to some this can be an extremely difficult time. It can be a time spent being ill for some which can heighten the feelings of loneliness and missing out on celebrations with friends and family. Hopefully if this is you, better times will come, however try not to make expectations for yourself just enjoy being present in the moment with those you love. Christmas doesn’t have to be grand or spectacular it can be what you make it. It can be a cold turkey sandwich, a packet of twiglets while watching Home Alone if that’s what you like. It’s who you are with that matters most.

For some it can be a lonely time and filled with grief of loved ones no longer here. There are a few things in life that I personally don’t think they’ve invented a ‘Haynes’ manual to. These are relationships, parenting and grief. I don’t think there can be a specific rule for dealing with either of these. There are so many variables to each of these situations however there is one constant variable ‘people’. If we could predict ‘people’ and our behaviours then maybe there would be a manual for it but we can’t so we often go by trial an error on most occasions and hope for the best. Often failing in most parts (or is that just me!)

Grief is such a difficult thing to deal with there is no right or wrong answer as to how someone should deal with grief. Some people choose to deal with it alone, some like to talk about it. What I do know from the grief I have experienced is that there will always be a first. A first birthday missed, a first anniversary, a first Christmas which is why I decided to write this. Someone reading this will be having their first Christmas without a loved one. All I know is that the only thing that is the healer (and it is so cliché) is time. It’s not that you forget the person or persons you are grieving for it’s just that in time you learn to live without them being around. It doesn’t make it better but that’s the reality. It doesn’t mean you love them any less than you did. A part of them you will always have in your heart if you keep it there. You may forget from time to time but then little signs will pop up in the strangest of locations just to remind you of their prescience. A song will play on the radio, a little robin will appear in the garden, a programme will come on that reminds you of them. A quavers packet will float buy because they loved quavers (Peter Kay classic joke).

So, if you’re feeling alone at Christmas this year think of something that reminds you of a loved one. A game they used to like playing, a tv programme they would always watch and laugh at. Talk about the fantastic Yorkshire puddings they used to make, how bad they were at charades or of the time when they got so drunk of Baileys one Christmas that they fell on the tree. Talking and sharing memories of good times can be the best present of all and I’m sure if they are looking down on you, they would want to see you smiling and making the most of your life with people you love.

If you or anyone is feeling alone please reach out for help there is always someone there to listen

https://www.samaritans.org/

https://www.mind.org.uk/

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/grief-bereavement-loss/

Here’s hoping your Christmas will be the best however you make it x x x

The story so far

Daily Dosage 0030

30th November 2023

Quote of the day

“The greatest victory is that which requires no battle.”
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Day 30

It’s day 30 of my squat and blog challenge for Stand Up to Cancer. That’s 30 days of consistently squatting 100 squats a day, 3,000 squats in total. 30 days of writing I don’t know how many words but a lot.

What have I learned from this challenge;

  1. That you can do anything you set your mind to you just have to make yourself accountable
  2. I can make simple body weight exercises a part of my daily routine even when time is limited, it can be broken down into sections.
  3. I can write consistently although it can drain my energy and then I feel tired
  4. Ste says I take too long to write a blog. My excuse is because I like to put my heart and soul into my writing to make it worthwhile for people to read.
  5. I have built up strength in my weak glute from this challenge.
  6. I can now crack a nut with my arse cheeks which will come in handy over Christmas (I made this one up)
  7. If you write with honesty and positivity people will support you.

To all my family and friends taken too soon. To all my friends who have fought their battles and ones still on their journeys. Whether you share it with others or fight in silence. My words are for you and I will continue to share and live in HOPE for us all.

This is just the beginning

This is not the end, we’ve only just begun

There’s so many battles we still have to overcome

To make sure our suffering, fear and pain

And clinical trails are not all in vain

We need to come together with our knowledge and what we have learnt

So that future generations don’t have to feel the same hurt

Different types of regiments together as one

Joining forces showing how powerful we become

Using our pain and our scars

To fight the same war

And eradicate cancer for once and for all

by Rachel Cummings 30/11/23

Just a quick note……

To everyone that has read one of my blogs (or maybe all) over the past 30 days. To those that have left words of encouragement on my Facebook page or shared them. Thank-you. It has honestly kept me going as I felt a sense of obligation that I didn’t want to let you or myself down. Ste has done his 100 sit ups a day. The kids well I can’t honestly say they have!  

If you have a spare quid or two and would like to sponsor me for this challenge I would be extremely grateful. My just giving page is here;

https://fundraise.cancerresearchuk.org/page/rachels-giving-page-5475

The story so far

Daily Dosage 0029

29th November 2023

Day 29

It’s day 29 of the 100 squat a day challenge for November. I’ve done my 100 for today and feeling good. The end is in sight which in some ways I will be glad but then in others I will miss. I’ve loved the fact it’s making be consistent however I’m finding it difficult to think of things to write as well as spending the time uploading the finished blog on my page.

Quote of the day

Some people are so poor all they have is money – Bob Marley

To keep the body in good health is a duty…otherwise we shall not be able to keep the mind strong and clear’ – Buddha

The importance of ‘Good Health’

I can bet that if you were to ask anyone with a terminal illness what they would wish for it would be something related to their health. To have more time, to be cured. It’s so strange that we all focus our lives so much on wealth having material things, excelling in our careers that when it comes down to it isn’t important. I’ve discovered that the hard way. How many times when your ill has it affected your ‘wealth’ when you’ve not had the ability to work or to go and do things when you are sick. No amount of money can buy that.

Yes, money can buy the material things that can aid your health the treadmills, gym memberships, latest products and supplements. But you can’t physically buy your health no matter how wealthy you are. This is why it’s so important that we look after our bodies. After all they’re the only ones we’ve got and we have to make the most of what we have been given even in the most unfortunate of situations. It can often seem unfair when people have the ability to be fit and healthy and abuse their bodies either by drugs or alcohol or the foods, they it. I often have people say to me ‘why does it happen to nice people’. The things is, cancer and a lot of illnesses don’t discriminate. Anyone could be faced with a life-threatening illness at any time, any age, any place.

All we should do is put our bodies in the best fighting scenario for if it does happen. Don’t wait until you’re ill to do this. Make a change today even if it’s a stretch or a step or eating less sugar. Just start. It’s better to come last than to never start at all

Today my back is still sore but I went to walking netball and enjoyed it. I took it easy as I don’t want to put myself out again but I went. It could have been all to easy not to have gone (which to be honest that’s what I did last night at Battle Cancer). But that rest last night to my back meant I could do today. Because I didn’t go to my class last night, I did go for a walk just to do something. Sometimes when we get injuries it can be frustrating but you should listen to your body (I defo need to improve on this). For me it’s a form of escapism, it helps with my mental health and I like to make myself accountable. There’s only me that’s accountable to my body and my brain and I owe it to them both to give them the best possible chance of survival by doing the right things. Eating right, moving, exercising, reading, meditating, writing. Everything I do is to keep me going, keep improving. Wealth doesn’t even come into it. A lot of the things I do are free. But if I didn’t do them, they would certainly cost me a lot more.

So, if there’s a class or club you’ve been meaning to go to or a walk you want to try, a challenge you want to do or even a home workout if that feels more comfortable just do it. You owe it to your body to at least try for the ones who aren’t privileged to do so themselves.

See you tomorrow

The story so far

Daily Dosage 0028

28th November 2023

Quote of the day

‘Make new friends, but keep the old. Those are silver, these are gold. New-made friendships, like new wine, age will mellow and refine. Friendships that have stood the test. Time and change are surely best. Brow may wrinkle, hair grow gray. Friendship never knows decay’ – Joseph Parry

Day 28

I’s day 28 of the 100 squat a day challenge for November. I’ve done my 100 for today. 

Say ‘yes’ to more things

Today was a day spent well. I went to the Christmas markets during the day with two of my oldest friends (not in age but in friendship terms!). I contemplated on saying ‘no’ as I was tired the night before and to be honest, I was anxious how busy they would be, how would I manage and then if I was struggling would I have to get the train back on my own.

I went and actually had a great time. The markets were pretty quiet as it was during the week there wasn’t too many crowds. We walked around looked at some different stalls bought a couple of mulled ciders, wines, (hot Vimto for me) and just generally had a good time. I even got the kids some chocolate slabs that were overpriced but I brought them back for the kids not that they’ve noticed them yet so I might just keep quiet for a bit!

I am tired after all the walking about. But today was just what I needed spending time with good friends. Doing things, I wouldn’t have even contemplated this time last year. And to have friends who are willing to do that with me knowing I might struggle and it might cause an issue well they are very precious indeed. I have a few friends that always are checking up on me or checking in. These are worth their weight in gold and sometimes I like to check in on them too because we all have stuff going on in our lives. Sometimes the ones that ‘give’ the most need looking after too. It doesn’t take much to send a text or message or to have a brew or go for a walk but to some and to me that can mean a lot. It can be the difference between feeling lonely and loved.

So, if there’s someone you’ve been meaning to check in on and haven’t, please do it tonight. Make a date for a catch up or a brew. Don’t say ‘no’ or put it off say ‘yes’ it might take a bit of effort especially at this time of year when people are busy. But like all friendships and relationships it takes effort on both sides but it can start with just a simple ‘Hi, how are you doing?’

Lessons learnt on saying Yes

  • Sometimes you put mental barriers in your own mind to stop doing the things you could have enjoyed
  • Friendships and relationships take effort put in the work if you want them to work
  • By saying ‘yes’ I have literally looked at a milestone today and honestly quite emotional at how far I have come over the past year. I have put in the hard work and it is paying off!
The story so far

Daily Dosage 0027

27th November 2023

Quote of the day

  • “It’s your reaction to adversity, not adversity itself that determines how your life’s story will develop.” – Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Day 27

I’s day 27 of the 100 squat a day challenge for November. I’ve done my 100 for today I broke it down into sections and the back is holding out.

Learning the Art of Resilience

I think one of the skills I’ve had to develop as I’ve grown older is ‘resilience’. In my career in the early days, it was quite often a male dominated environment. I had to get used to the comments and heckles especially going to site being 5ft nothing, female in a clean hi-vis you would be a prime target. To be honest quite often I laughed it off. It didn’t bother me at all like everyone (regardless of gender) you had to prove yourself to gain some respect which I think did in the end. I’ve even made friends whom I am still in contact with today. It was more in my mid to late 20’s in a private company when it was so clear that Surveyors less qualified than me were getting the easy jobs, going on golf trips, skiing trips, then getting big bonuses at the end of the year when they hadn’t even made a profit. I would often have to work twice as hard to get this and did so, in the hope of to trying to prove my worth. It was unfair but at the time having a young family I thought there was no other option than to accept it. Then one day it came to a decision it was either my family that would break or my job. Obviously, I chose my family over my job.

At the time I mistakenly thought it was the only place that would take on a woman like myself (whom wanted to work part time and had very young children). This company however did teach me resilience and thick skin. I did find another job close by and there again I was given around 30 projects to manage. This wasn’t in anyway sustainable but this time I decided I wasn’t going to accept it like I had done so many years before. I highlighted it to the boss whom did nothing about it, so I moved on very quickly. Luckily, I found a job in Manchester it was a totally different environment, you weren’t expected to work all hours. You worked hard got paid what you invoiced for and you did your bit and just got on with it. It was a breath of fresh air. I was respected. People were treated equally; women were treated equally. This is what companies should be like.

Thankfully the industry has massively changed since I started not just in the construction industry in all sectors. More people are allowed to do flexible hybrid working. There is a big push for employee’s wellbeing and their working environments. At my last place I was extremely looked after and I like to think well respected. If I hadn’t had gone through the bad experiences at work in my previous companies, I would have never had the courage to move on to something better. I still have friends here that check in on me to see how I’m doing and that feels good.  All I think I ever wanted was to be valued and that just doesn’t apply to my career, it applies in relationships in friendships too.

Throughout my cancer journey I have had to try and remain resilient not once but twice. The first time nearly broke me it was totally unknown but then I somehow managed to get through it. This second time has challenged me in so many ways physically, emotionally and mentally but this thick resilient skin I have developed the one through all the years of constantly having things thrown at me to see if I would break. These are the things that have given me the strength to carry on and, in some ways, been able to give a middle finger to statistics and to cancer.

Because I know for every shit situation and no matter how many times you fall down there is always someone that will pick you up when you least expect it. There is always someone cheering you on from the sidelines when you aren’t looking. These are the people and things that have sprung me back like a stretched coil on many occasions when I could have quite easy given up. The comments from people that give me hope even when they are suffering themselves. This is what keeps me going. This is what will always keep me going regardless what is thrown in my way.

So, while my back maybe slightly damaged, I won’t let it stop me when I have come so far on this challenge!

I will definitely see you tomorrow x

Lessons learnt on reliance

  • When you feel your resilience is being tested be reminded that it is these testing times that will show your true strength
  • Always know your value even when others don’t.
  • There is always someone rooting for you from the sidelines when you least expect it
  • You can be easily replaced at work but not at home