Melanoma and Me
The fight of my life
The story so far

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7th November 2023

Quote of the day

  1. ‘If you are always trying to be normal you will never know how amazing you can be’ – Maya Angelou
  2. ‘If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten’ – Tony Robbins
A walk round Wayoh Reservoir. Something which was a massive milestone I can now enjoy

Go your own Way(oh)

Sometimes in life we have to make decisions that feel out of our comfort zone. That can often make us wonder whether we’re making the right choices at all. In fact, so many of us seek for confirmation from others (including myself) as to whether we are making the right choices. It could be a new career, ending or beginning a relationship, moving to a different place, starting a new business or just starting a new hobby or deciding to change something in your life with the hope of making it a better one.

I can’t guarantee that all your choices will end up with the results you wanted. What I can guarantee is that if you make these choices purely on your own then you should be comfortable in the outcome. Noone else is to blame for the choices we make in life and what happens to us. We all make mistakes, but it’s how we learn from them that truly make us better versions of ourselves.

We will always get the same result constantly doing the same thing we have to put a bit more effort in if we really want to change something. After my operation and SRS therapy my physical strength was at an all-time low. I literally struggle to walk some days, getting out the bath unaided was a total challenge. I was tired all the time and on a lot of steroids, I totally struggled with my speech so would often avoid saying what I thought because I knew it would be a struggle (trust me for a woman that likes to chat that was difficult).

I was fortunate that I had the time to prioritise my health and that is exactly what I have been doing. I don’t know exactly what date I started this but I’m so glad I put in the effort. Over the past year or so my fitness has improved massively.  I go to the gym, I’m doing walking netball, I go for walks and even doing a fitness programme (which I will talk about in another blog). With all these other elements of my life have also improved, I’ve lost weight (although this has never been a focus which I’m sure anyone with cancer will relate to). Sometimes your weight can fluctuate due to steroids or tablets. It’s awful especially when you have gerbil shaped face already but it’s there to help you get better and that’s what it did. That and a bit of effort on my side. As well as my fitness my noise sensitivity and speech are also improving. I love it when I see someone and they comment on how much my speech has improved as that is the thing, I am most conscious of. Prioritising my health hasn’t always been easy it’s taken a lot of consistency. Some days are struggle and you feel like your back to square one. Most days I still need a nanna nap to get me through but I do. Ultimately, I want to change and I’m not prepared to go back to where I was not when I’ve come so far.

Those around you who love and care for you, doctors and nurses maybe. These people can help you on your journey but ultimately you have to take responsibility for yourself. No one is going to save you. You need to save yourself.

I’m not prepared to be ‘normal’ whatever that is anyway and neither should you so what ever it is you want to do go for it (starting today)

Day 7 100 squats done I split them up today in blocks of 20

Sorry it’s a bit late for today but I got it done in the end

See you tomorrow

X x x

The story so far

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6th November 2023

Quote of the day;

  1. Communicate. Even when it’s uncomfortable or uneasy. One of the best ways to heal is simply getting everything out – Unknown
  2. What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever said? Asked the boy ‘Help’ said the horse – Charlie Mackesy

It’s good to talk

I think there’s something in the family where we all like to have a ‘camp’. Today was a prime example of that. I nipped into town to get some clothes altered then bumped into someone from walking netball, then later my mum, then my cousin and husband then my auntie. There we were all stood around the butchers in the market having a chat about peas, pies and cakes. But that’s why I like where we live so much. When I was working all hours and travelling, I didn’t have time for that and shamefully never really made time for my parents. That’s because we get so caught up in our own lives we sometimes forget about others, well it’s not that we forget we put it off because we’re tired or we’re busy etc.

I’ve come to realise I really couldn’t live in a city where you are just an unknown face. I definitely need to be part of a community and I think a lot of people thrive in close knit communities. In fact, studies have been shown that communities which are closer, interact more and help more tend to live longer happier lives (there is a really good book on this called Ikigai if you want to read).

Now if anyone knows my mum, she can talk to anyone and has been known to talk a glass eye to sleep (ha ha). Unfortunately, I think I have developed this trait much to my husband’s annoyance. I talk to people because I am genuinely interested in how they are doing, feeling and want them to know that I actually care. I don’t do it to strangers because that would be weird but I do smile at them. So, if you see a small lady, possibly wearing headphones smiling at you maybe twitching, don’t panic I’m not about to attack you I’m just being friendly and sometimes that’s all someone needs in the moment.

I think a lot of problems could be solved with a good cup of tea and a chat. I’m always here if anyone wants to talk. If you bore me, I’ll just put my noise cancelling head phones on don’t worry.

Remember you never know what someone is going through so just be kind always whenever you can.

Day 6 100 squats done in the gym

Sausages (veggie ones for me) and sparklers at ours tonight a chat at the table about how everyone has got on today. Simple things

See you tomorrow

X x x

The story so far

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5th November 2023

Don’t Look Back In Anger

Quote of the day:

  1. You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger – Buddha

Sometimes it can truly hard to not get angry by the situations or things that have happened to us. So many people if you sat down and listened to them have had their fair sure of misfortunes that could have forced them to act out in anger. Often you hear of athletes of business people that were fuelled by anger. However, I’m pretty sure that the same flame burning inside that caused them to take action at some point will become more of a burden and probably cause a feeling similar to indigestion. How often have you been angry with someone to the extent that it affects you more than them. This is what Buddha is saying in the above quote. Quite often the ones we are angry with are blissfully unaware if the pain we are suffering. It’s so much harder to frown than it is to smile. It takes effort to stay angry with people. I often hold onto grudges for far too long (it’s one of my many weaknesses I am slowly learning to work on). I think it’s because I am so sensitive that when I give, I give my all and when I get let down it truly hurts and that’s where the anger starts to build up. Better still if we can’t forget what someone has done to us try to learn to forgive if only for our own sakes.

FU*K CANCER

The thing is I could easily get angry about all the things that have happened as a result of cancer not once but twice. But who will ultimately benefit from that, it will be cancer causing more stress, worry and most likely make me ill. As hard as it can be to accept sometimes, I am who I am (trust me there are times when I really hate not me but the situation I am in, this usually coincides with the monthly blues). However thankfully that surpasses as I know I have so much to give and how lucky I am. I have what some people dream about having; an annoying husband, two annoying teenagers a roof over my head, supportive equally annoying family and weird quite often drunk friends. Some people don’t have that at all. How lucky am I. (I love them all really)

Cancer can take away my physical strength (I’m working on that as well so watch out), my speech, my ability to work as I used to. It can even make it really difficult to feel ‘normal’ in every day social situations struggling to enjoy music, shopping, like everyone else. However, there are things in my control to which I won’t give cancer the benefit of taking away from me. Cancer can’t take away my will power and resilience (stubbornness Ste would say)

I will use my situation (and the sh!t that is cancer) to create positivity in the best way I can. To make friendships with the most unlikely of people and in the most unlikely of places. I will use it to spread hope to others, laughter at my misfortunes. Knowledge of my misfortunes to help others get earlier diagnosis and better chance of survival. Now isn’t that a far better act of revenge.

So unless you want to constantly have the Rennies on standby for the anger inside you I suggest you do what Elsa does and just ‘Let it go’

Day 5 40 squats done 60 to go.

Happy Bonfire Night

See you tomorrow

X x x

The story so far

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Self Care Isn’t Selfish

Quote of the day:

  1. A little bit of something we fancy does us good every now and then
  2. ‘If you have the ability to love, love yourself first’ – Charles Bukwoski

As humans most of us have this in-built desire to care for others. I say most of us as there are probably some individuals that run exception to the rule (I’m not quite sure what the medical term is for it all that is currently springing to the forefront of my mind is selfish bastards?!)

For the rest of us who seem to have adopted this caring nature whether that be for our children, our significant others, parents, family members or those who choose to care for others as part of their profession such as doctors, nurses, health care workers, care workers. The most important rule I think you should adopt is that in order to give others the best care you possibly can you must make self-care a priority.

We all know that when trying to care for others on limited sleep, energy and time isn’t easy. I was all too familiar with this when the kids where very young I was working full time stressful job as well as trying to be the perfect mum and often neglected my health as a result.

It’s safe to say that more recently I have been on the receiving end of the care not only from my husband but my parents, friends but also the professional team of doctors and nurses and for that I’m truly grateful. I often see my friends taking care of other family members and I can see the strain on their faces and tiredness in their voices. I would totally do the same if my family was poorly that’s what families do. It’s easy to say but make sure you always make time for yourself. You can’t constantly pour from an empty cup.

  1. Do something for you every day whether that be time out reading, exercising or just relaxing then you will have more time (and patience) for others
  2. Treat yourself you deserve to whether that’s a candle, a bunch of flowers or just a nice hot bath
  3. If you feel like you’re burning out maybe talk to someone and share the load. You will be surprised of what help is out there and who may be willing to share the load

Today, this afternoon I’m feeling tired, but I’ve just had a rest so hopefully will come too in a bit. I’m starting to feel the pressure of writing every day (who would have thought I’d struggle for stuff to talk about!) Your words of encouragement are definitely spurring me on though so thank you for that.

I’ve done my squats and exercise for the day and even treated myself to some bonfire toffee and lollies (because if you know me it’s one of my favourite days of the year). The fireworks lighting up the skies bring back so many fantastic childhood memories. So, enjoy your evenings and if your going to a bonfire take care and be safe. If you’re not maybe just treat yourself to a nice glass of wine or a bath and watch through the window.

The story so far

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‘Show me that the good life doesn’t consist in length, but in its use, and that it is possible – no entirely too common – for a person who has had a long life to have lived too little.’ Seneca, Moral Letters, 49.10b’

3rd November 2023

Live Your Life

Tonight, I’m sat in front of a lovely roaring fire, my dog Woody staring at me, Stand Up to Cancer is on in the background which is the whole reason why I’m doing the 100 squats a day challenge and writing these blogs for 30 days.

I remember when I was first diagnosed 6 years ago, we went away one October half term. We had just been to a nearby adventure park and did a 100ft plummet as well as rode on a forest toboggan. It was a fantastic day, one which I will always remember the fear, adrenaline and natural protection of each of my children as I plummeted down both the fall and the toboggan ride. That night we sat in the cosy caravan watching Stand Up to Cancer.  At the time it said that 1 in 4 people will be affected by cancer in their life time. There we were. I was our 1 in 4 but I was sort of glad that if it had to be 1 of us it was me.  How ever scared I was of what the future would hold for me.

This evening tonight, it’s now 1 in 2. So, in 6 years it’s doubled the amount of people affected by cancer. It’s so scary and I believe our lifestyles and processed food have a lot to play in that (but that’s another blog).  That’s why it’s so important we keep on funding for research to help find causes and treatment to all cancers.

Watching programmes like this can be quite hard and heart warming in equal measures. I know I won’t be able to get through the night without shedding a tear. In fact, I’ve put it on silent now so I can concentrate and not get to upset whilst writing this blog. (Plus, I’m particularly bad at multi-tasking…. I should have been a man!!).

No one knows how long we have on this planet. That’s why it’s so important that we live our lives to the fullest that we can. Live in the moment. Enjoy the simple things, not materialistic items.  Make the most of our health, visit exciting places, go outside our comfort zones. Help others, be kind, love with all your heart. Grab opportunities that come your way, who knows what exciting paths they may lead you to. Leave your mark and legacy in this world how ever short your presence is.

That’s what I intend to do in honour of all of those who haven’t had the privilege to do so.

Have a great evening, see you tomorrow x

P.S I’ve done my 100 squats for today and have had a great day catching up with my lovely mum and some friends for a little bit.

#SU2C

#StillStanding

#Stage4

#MetastaticMelanoma

#Melanoma

#BrainTumours

6 years

 

The story so far

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2nd November 2023

Play to your strengths

In life no matter who you are there will always be things that come natural to you and things that don’t. There maybe things you haven’t yet discovered you’re good at yet because you haven’t tried. That’s the great thing about life having opportunity to try new things and not being afraid to be well pretty sh1t at them at first. Every master was once the apprentice.  

I honestly believe we’re all built to have different abilities and capabilities to add some value to this world. It could be you’re really good at art, baking, sewing, plastering, joinery, science, naturally talented in sport or music there are an endless list of things. Our brains and bodies are so amazing, we are all totally unique.

People who are successful in life (what ever that maybe) will have consistently played to their strengths time and time again. But even successful people will need to continually put the effort in to continue to succeed and become even better version of themselves. This also means you need to acknowledge your weaknesses.

When I think about this I’m often reminded of the scene in The Office where it’s Big Keith’s (the accountant) appraisal and David Brent asks him what are his strengths and he just put ‘accounts’. Then he says under weaknesses you’ve put eczema. I chuckle every time thinking of that. Brilliant programme.

So, here’s a thing I want you to do today write down 5 of your strengths. It can be absolutely anything doesn’t have to be work related it can be something regarding a sport or an emotion or skill. I’d maybe be a bit more specific than Keith though and avoid writing anything regarding any ailments or illnesses out of your control.

Now I want to you to write down 5 weaknesses regarding that strength. I’ll give you an example of a couple of mine;

Strengths: Writing

Weakness; Being consistent, my grammar

Strength: Being kind

Weakness: Over sensitive, worry what others think

Strength: Strong legs

Weakness: Poor balance, mobility and weak glute

If you’re anything like me you will find it harder to write down your strengths and be more critical about your weaknesses. We are often so critical of ourselves we forget all our achievements. Now for the remainder of the month if you can I want you to work on the weaknesses that you have identified even if it’s jut one element. I’m going to try and would love to see at the end of the month if by working on or acknowledging our weakness we also might improve a little of our strengths.

That’s it for today I’ve already ticked off my 100 squats. One of the kids were complaining about a sore back so I’m not holding my breath they will complete today’s challenge but I can’t force them that’s something I am slowly learning and working on. I can’t force others to always do the same as me.

Remember no-one is perfect, we all have our flaws but it doesn’t mean we can’t become better versions of ourselves it just requires a little bit of effort and consistency. Something I’m trying to work on myself

Have a great evening, see you tomorrow x

The story so far

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https://www.standuptocancer.org.uk/fundraise/squats-challenge

Stand Up to Cancer

Hello so today it’s the 1st of November and I’ve decided to do the 100 squat challenge for whole month of November. Ste’s decided he can’t do the 100 squat challenge, due to being on the older side of middle aged and obtaining football injuries almost every week he plays. He thought it will be safer if he started on the floor. He will be doing 100 sit ups a day but it’s the taking part that counts kids! Speaking of kids by some miracle both kids have decided to join in with this, which I am genuinely shocked and proud in equal measures.


To help with my squat challenge I’ve invested in a clicker to help me count. I’ve done this in hindsight that on completion of the challenge I can also be available for crowd counting, working on the doors in bars and nightclubs (preferably the latter).


I’ve also decided that I will write a short ‘Daily Dosage’ blog every day for the whole of November. Don’t worry this won’t all be about sit ups and squats (as that would be really dull) but little snippets just generally what ever pops up in my mind (think this highlights the lack of planning on my behalf as per usual). I’ve done this because hopefully it will give me some consistency in just writing a bit each day, something I’m not particularly good at and don’t really have any excuses for.

Why am I doing this? Well because for quite a while now I’ve been pondering WHY? WHY did I start my blog in the first place? WHY do I overshare personal thoughts and experiences? That WHY still hasn’t changed 6 years down the line.
WHY I do it is because I genuinely want my experiences to help others. Share knowledge, symptoms, treatment, emotions, warning signs all in the most light hearted and honest way I can. Showing others, cancer is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, we can still live happy and fulfilling lives while facing sometimes incurable cancers. However, that’s not to say we don’t want to stand up to cancer, in fact I’d love to theoretically knock the sh1t out of it. Hopefully one day we won’t have to. Hopefully one day in the not-too-distant future there will be a cure for all cancers. In the mean time I’m not planning on going anywhere soon.
So, here’s to completing my DAY 1 of writing and squat challenge. Did I do it all in one go, NO but the end result was still the same just little chunks at a time. Well done me.

See you tomorrow x