You’ve done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy for your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.’ -Ralph Marston
I don’t think I could have found a more suitable quote for me. Sometimes when life seems to give us more than our fair share of sh1t. We need to use that energy and frustration and turn it into something positive.
Day 10 50 squats done if I do the other that will be 1,000 squats. Had to get the massage gun out today though to alleviate some muscle I didn’t know I had!!
Here’s a poem to my younger self;
A message to my self
If I could take a step back in time.
Talk to the young girl whom would live the woman’s decline
I’d tell her there are treasures more precious than gold
And she is so privileged she already holds
She is amongst Queens when it comes to her health
For amongst the sick and the poor she has the wealth
But for some reason she doesn’t see the beauty inside
See wants to fit in and no longer hide
She’s going away, doesn’t want to go red
So stupidly she goes on the sunbed instead
Blissfully unaware of the damage she’s caused
And the future body she’s already scarred
For her moment of vain
In years to come, she would feel the pain
Years will go by and in a twist of fate
A holiday in the white isles she finds her mate
Then along come the children a girl and a boy
To fill her heart with so much joy
A few years go by not without a few highs and lows
But from these times she learns and each time she grows
Then the day does come which most people fear
She holds it together but not without a tear
Deep down she knows this isn’t the end
For positivity and determination happen to be close friends
The treatment will feel like she can’t carry on
But despite the pain she does until it is gone
The mistakes that she’s made she puts on show
By writing about the tales of her woes
But unfortunately, this wasn’t the happy ending she sought
A few years from now there’s another battle to be fought
This time it’s far harder than the last
And she would need the same grit and determination she had in the past
But she’s done it before and will do it again
For future, past and present she won’t let cancer win
Lessons Learnt
Don’t ever over expose yourself in the sun (especially not naked you could get arrested in some countries). Factor 50 is your friend. It’s great for wrinkles too. Please don’t ever use a sunbed it’s 2023 these things should be banned.
Look after your health it really is the most valuable asset you have in your power.
If you’ve had your fair share of pain you’ve survived until today you can survive tomorrow.
‘If your actions create a legacy that inspires others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, then you are an excellent leader.’ – Dolly Parton
Inspire others
Day 9 of the squat challenge and today I’m feeling really tired. I think a combination of a late night, the mental draining from writing each day and just generally feeling physically sore is kicking in today. I can tell I’m tired because unfortunately I don’t have the patience for the kids when I’m like this. Normally around this time I’m due to take some medication and I can’t deal with constant questions of ‘why’. It’s a bit like being really hangry and tired at the same time but not always feeling hungry. One of my kids in particular is very inquisitive shall I say and this can be a real struggle on days like this. Don’t worry after my tea (not dinner we’re northern) I’ll make sure I sit down and have a chat, that’s if I’m allowed in their room! (the joys of teenagers). Usually the questions (battle) are life threatening events such as going out somewhere, wi-fi, phones or what’s for tea. I think that pretty much sums up everything.
I did go to a personal trainer this morning. I thought bout cancelling but I didn’t and despite me feeling tired I just got something done. Sometimes we feel like that and sometimes just doing a bit is better than nothing. I’ve been going for a couple of weeks now (just once a week) because although I am quite dedicated when it comes to exercising, I definitely need tips on exercises and technique and some times a little push when I otherwise wouldn’t. The rest of the afternoon I’ve literally slept and looking outside now it’s pitch black. The dark nights have set in now which I know makes it a lot harder for those of you who are planning on exercising tonight rather than get in your comfy pyjamas and sit in front of the fire. It’s like our bodies want to go into hibernation mode, sometimes we have to fight that off and do it. So, if you do, do that I promise I’ll get the rest of my squats done and take the dog for a walk in the dark, cold and rain how’s that for a deal?
The reason why I put the above quote up today was that as I was getting out of my mum’s car after the gym, she told me that she too has started doing 50 push ups off the kitchen top (not stood on the kitchen top I hope). She said she breaks it up into manageable 25 sets and is working towards doing 100. How amazing is that! I think inspiring others to do more and learn more is a precious gift and does feel warm and fuzzy inside. There are so many people that inspire me in a variety of aspects of my life, battling cancer, facing challenges, being a better person. No-one knows everything we can all learn a do more if we are open to listen to others. We might not always agree with their opinions but you never know you might just learn something new.
I often ponder on why and our purpose in life and I think ultimately to inspire others what an achievement that would be. Listening to Steve Back shall last night he was very passionate about inspiring the net generation to ultimately save the oceans, rare species and the planet. I think looking around the room there will definitely be a young generation that care about our planet and hopefully take action inspired by him and many others Sir David Attenborough being one.
So, whatever your passion is in life as long as its for the greater good please continue to inspire others.
You’re never too old to learn something new. I learnt this last night when I didn’t have a clue what half the oceans habitat are called.
‘None of us, including me ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful’ – Mother Teresa
The Three Amigos decide to Stand Up to Cancer
Now if you have previously read some of my blogs you may have come across a couple of tales about the three amigos, Brain, Body and Bottom. These three friends are connected to a slightly vertically challenged (now middle-aged woman). For the purpose of these stories, we will call her Miss Determination (even though now she’s a Mrs and maybe not so much determined but more stubborn (as her husband likes to remind her most days!)
Anyway, the three amigo’s Brain, Bottom and Body had watched Stand Up to Cancer last Friday evening and as much as they enjoyed the programme it really upset them. All of all the stories of people affected by cancer. In particular one young girl who was just 11 and sadly died of cancer after also losing her mum to cancer.
As the three friends sat there together tissues in hand wiping away the tears Bottom said ‘It’s so sad, we need to do something to help these people’.
Body who was shaking from the crying said ‘I agree we need to fight back’.
Brain said ‘I have an idea I have seen these 100 squats a day challenge, why don’t we give it a go and raise some money for research?’
To which Bottom replied ‘Squit challenge won’t that be messy?’
No said Brain ‘SQUATS’. ‘You know where you bend your knees and then lift up. It’s supposed to be really good to get a firm bottom, Bottom.’
‘I’m not sure I can do the squats you know Brain I’ve got a sore leg from playing football,’ said Body.
‘Don’t worry ‘said Brain ‘we can think of something similar to do. What about sit ups maybe?’
‘Yes, I can do them no problem!’ said Body.
‘Great!’ said Brain. ‘To be honest I think I will struggle counting. It’s not my strong point at the moment my head get all fuzzy and I lose concentration.’
‘Don’t worry,’ said Body. ‘I have a clicker counter from my old days on the doors we can use that’.
Bottom was looking rather sheepish then said ‘you know what I’m really nervous if I squat too much what if I trump and have an accident? I haven’t got a spare pair of undies since I blew a hole in my other ones.’
‘Don’t you worry,’ said Body. ‘I have got a new pair of special Lycra ones you can borrow not only do the tuck your tummy in the well keep you trumps in too’.
Bottom looked down at his tummy then looked at the other two and they all laughed.
‘Right then’ said Brain ‘we need to set a schedule and pick a time we can do it together. I’ve developed a timetable and marked each day for the whole month on the calendar’. To which the other two smiled and rolled their eyes back. Secretly they know if they ever needed a robust plan to stick too Brain was the girl for the job.
So, every day for the whole of the month the three friends would get together as planned and do their squats and sit ups. Brain would get the counter and click every time they did a rep. Bottom would laugh every time, she made a noise but was thankful for the stretchy pants. Body was also glad that she could join in despite being injured.
Some days the three friends would have to break up the squats into smaller sections just because they were short on time. The main thing is they got them done. 100 squats/sit ups a day for 30 days.
Bottom could definitely feel her cheeks getting firmer. Body could feel her stomach getter tighter and Brain could manage to count each rep more than she thought she could have.
The End of the Challenge
It was day 30, the last day of the challenge. The three friends had religiously stuck to the challenge. At times they thought about stopping especially as it hurt so much but then they each thought of the little girl in the programme and carried on through gritted teeth and clenched cheeks!
‘That’s it’ said Brain ‘we’re done, how fantastic it that’. Body looked up and smirked which suggested she didn’t agree.
‘What’s the matter Body?’ asked Brain.
‘I feel like I’ve not fully done the challenge,’ said Body.
‘Don’t be stupid’ said Brain, ‘you adapted it because there was something you couldn’t do. You stuck to the challenge showing other people they too can adapt to suit their physical needs’.
‘I guess you’re right’ said Body sticking her chest in a proud sort of way.
Brain looked at their donation page. She turned to the others slightly disappointed and said ‘unfortunately we haven’t met our donation target’
Bottom looked at the two friends and said ‘that doesn’t matter at all. Remember that little girl, we did it for her and for people like her. Together we stood up for cancer to inspire others to do the same and give people hope, that’s what matters.’
‘You’re always so right,’ said Brain.
Then the three amigos gave each other a big hug. They all felt really proud of themselves and deservedly so.
‘Right then who’s getting in the bath first?’ asked Body clutching her stomach.
Day 8 100 squats done!
Sorry it’s a bit late for today but I got it done in the end, keep going everyone and thank you for reading
‘If you are always trying to be normal you will never know how amazing you can be’ – Maya Angelou
‘If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten’ – Tony Robbins
Go your own Way(oh)
Sometimes in life we have to make decisions that feel out of our comfort zone. That can often make us wonder whether we’re making the right choices at all. In fact, so many of us seek for confirmation from others (including myself) as to whether we are making the right choices. It could be a new career, ending or beginning a relationship, moving to a different place, starting a new business or just starting a new hobby or deciding to change something in your life with the hope of making it a better one.
I can’t guarantee that all your choices will end up with the results you wanted. What I can guarantee is that if you make these choices purely on your own then you should be comfortable in the outcome. Noone else is to blame for the choices we make in life and what happens to us. We all make mistakes, but it’s how we learn from them that truly make us better versions of ourselves.
We will always get the same result constantly doing the same thing we have to put a bit more effort in if we really want to change something. After my operation and SRS therapy my physical strength was at an all-time low. I literally struggle to walk some days, getting out the bath unaided was a total challenge. I was tired all the time and on a lot of steroids, I totally struggled with my speech so would often avoid saying what I thought because I knew it would be a struggle (trust me for a woman that likes to chat that was difficult).
I was fortunate that I had the time to prioritise my health and that is exactly what I have been doing. I don’t know exactly what date I started this but I’m so glad I put in the effort. Over the past year or so my fitness has improved massively. I go to the gym, I’m doing walking netball, I go for walks and even doing a fitness programme (which I will talk about in another blog). With all these other elements of my life have also improved, I’ve lost weight (although this has never been a focus which I’m sure anyone with cancer will relate to). Sometimes your weight can fluctuate due to steroids or tablets. It’s awful especially when you have gerbil shaped face already but it’s there to help you get better and that’s what it did. That and a bit of effort on my side. As well as my fitness my noise sensitivity and speech are also improving. I love it when I see someone and they comment on how much my speech has improved as that is the thing, I am most conscious of. Prioritising my health hasn’t always been easy it’s taken a lot of consistency. Some days are struggle and you feel like your back to square one. Most days I still need a nanna nap to get me through but I do. Ultimately, I want to change and I’m not prepared to go back to where I was not when I’ve come so far.
Those around you who love and care for you, doctors and nurses maybe. These people can help you on your journey but ultimately you have to take responsibility for yourself. No one is going to save you. You need to save yourself.
I’m not prepared to be ‘normal’ whatever that is anyway and neither should you so what ever it is you want to do go for it (starting today)
Day 7 100 squats done I split them up today in blocks of 20
Sorry it’s a bit late for today but I got it done in the end
Communicate. Even when it’s uncomfortable or uneasy. One of the best ways to heal is simply getting everything out – Unknown
What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever said? Asked the boy ‘Help’ said the horse – Charlie Mackesy
It’s good to talk
I think there’s something in the family where we all like to have a ‘camp’. Today was a prime example of that. I nipped into town to get some clothes altered then bumped into someone from walking netball, then later my mum, then my cousin and husband then my auntie. There we were all stood around the butchers in the market having a chat about peas, pies and cakes. But that’s why I like where we live so much. When I was working all hours and travelling, I didn’t have time for that and shamefully never really made time for my parents. That’s because we get so caught up in our own lives we sometimes forget about others, well it’s not that we forget we put it off because we’re tired or we’re busy etc.
I’ve come to realise I really couldn’t live in a city where you are just an unknown face. I definitely need to be part of a community and I think a lot of people thrive in close knit communities. In fact, studies have been shown that communities which are closer, interact more and help more tend to live longer happier lives (there is a really good book on this called Ikigai if you want to read).
Now if anyone knows my mum, she can talk to anyone and has been known to talk a glass eye to sleep (ha ha). Unfortunately, I think I have developed this trait much to my husband’s annoyance. I talk to people because I am genuinely interested in how they are doing, feeling and want them to know that I actually care. I don’t do it to strangers because that would be weird but I do smile at them. So, if you see a small lady, possibly wearing headphones smiling at you maybe twitching, don’t panic I’m not about to attack you I’m just being friendly and sometimes that’s all someone needs in the moment.
I think a lot of problems could be solved with a good cup of tea and a chat. I’m always here if anyone wants to talk. If you bore me, I’ll just put my noise cancelling head phones on don’t worry.
Remember you never know what someone is going through so just be kind always whenever you can.
Day 6 100 squats done in the gym
Sausages (veggie ones for me) and sparklers at ours tonight a chat at the table about how everyone has got on today. Simple things
You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger – Buddha
Sometimes it can truly hard to not get angry by the situations or things that have happened to us. So many people if you sat down and listened to them have had their fair sure of misfortunes that could have forced them to act out in anger. Often you hear of athletes of business people that were fuelled by anger. However, I’m pretty sure that the same flame burning inside that caused them to take action at some point will become more of a burden and probably cause a feeling similar to indigestion. How often have you been angry with someone to the extent that it affects you more than them. This is what Buddha is saying in the above quote. Quite often the ones we are angry with are blissfully unaware if the pain we are suffering. It’s so much harder to frown than it is to smile. It takes effort to stay angry with people. I often hold onto grudges for far too long (it’s one of my many weaknesses I am slowly learning to work on). I think it’s because I am so sensitive that when I give, I give my all and when I get let down it truly hurts and that’s where the anger starts to build up. Better still if we can’t forget what someone has done to us try to learn to forgive if only for our own sakes.
FU*K CANCER
The thing is I could easily get angry about all the things that have happened as a result of cancer not once but twice. But who will ultimately benefit from that, it will be cancer causing more stress, worry and most likely make me ill. As hard as it can be to accept sometimes, I am who I am (trust me there are times when I really hate not me but the situation I am in, this usually coincides with the monthly blues). However thankfully that surpasses as I know I have so much to give and how lucky I am. I have what some people dream about having; an annoying husband, two annoying teenagers a roof over my head, supportive equally annoying family and weird quite often drunk friends. Some people don’t have that at all. How lucky am I. (I love them all really)
Cancer can take away my physical strength (I’m working on that as well so watch out), my speech, my ability to work as I used to. It can even make it really difficult to feel ‘normal’ in every day social situations struggling to enjoy music, shopping, like everyone else. However, there are things in my control to which I won’t give cancer the benefit of taking away from me. Cancer can’t take away my will power and resilience (stubbornness Ste would say)
I will use my situation (and the sh!t that is cancer) to create positivity in the best way I can. To make friendships with the most unlikely of people and in the most unlikely of places. I will use it to spread hope to others, laughter at my misfortunes. Knowledge of my misfortunes to help others get earlier diagnosis and better chance of survival. Now isn’t that a far better act of revenge.
So unless you want to constantly have the Rennies on standby for the anger inside you I suggest you do what Elsa does and just ‘Let it go’
A little bit of something we fancy does us good every now and then
‘If you have the ability to love, love yourself first’ – Charles Bukwoski
As humans most of us have this in-built desire to care for others. I say most of us as there are probably some individuals that run exception to the rule (I’m not quite sure what the medical term is for it all that is currently springing to the forefront of my mind is selfish bastards?!)
For the rest of us who seem to have adopted this caring nature whether that be for our children, our significant others, parents, family members or those who choose to care for others as part of their profession such as doctors, nurses, health care workers, care workers. The most important rule I think you should adopt is that in order to give others the best care you possibly can you must make self-care a priority.
We all know that when trying to care for others on limited sleep, energy and time isn’t easy. I was all too familiar with this when the kids where very young I was working full time stressful job as well as trying to be the perfect mum and often neglected my health as a result.
It’s safe to say that more recently I have been on the receiving end of the care not only from my husband but my parents, friends but also the professional team of doctors and nurses and for that I’m truly grateful. I often see my friends taking care of other family members and I can see the strain on their faces and tiredness in their voices. I would totally do the same if my family was poorly that’s what families do. It’s easy to say but make sure you always make time for yourself. You can’t constantly pour from an empty cup.
Do something for you every day whether that be time out reading, exercising or just relaxing then you will have more time (and patience) for others
Treat yourself you deserve to whether that’s a candle, a bunch of flowers or just a nice hot bath
If you feel like you’re burning out maybe talk to someone and share the load. You will be surprised of what help is out there and who may be willing to share the load
Today, this afternoon I’m feeling tired, but I’ve just had a rest so hopefully will come too in a bit. I’m starting to feel the pressure of writing every day (who would have thought I’d struggle for stuff to talk about!) Your words of encouragement are definitely spurring me on though so thank you for that.
I’ve done my squats and exercise for the day and even treated myself to some bonfire toffee and lollies (because if you know me it’s one of my favourite days of the year). The fireworks lighting up the skies bring back so many fantastic childhood memories. So, enjoy your evenings and if your going to a bonfire take care and be safe. If you’re not maybe just treat yourself to a nice glass of wine or a bath and watch through the window.
